My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 134

MILO'S P.O.V.

I've been on pins all day. There's always something in the air in Westbrook today. Ten years of these anniversary's but it never gets any easier.

Everyone has been giving me a wide berth, this day has an effect on them all but for very different reasons. I've always been the best at dealing with it, but this year is different.

Mum went over to Elizabeth first thing this morning, Dad said he'd stay with Coach, May couldn't stand being in the house so she went over with Hope hours ago.

I hate being in this place on my own, this house has always been too big to be considered a home and it only seems that much more hollow when there's no noise here to fill it.

I spoke with Jayce this morning, he's doing okay but I think he always makes sure to put on a brave face today for Lee's sake. He's pretty much got his routine down by now; going down to see Chad in the middle of the night before Lee or the kids wake up, having a breakdown where no one can see him, then just making sure he's there for them every minute after that. He's strong so she doesn't have to be.

Everyone has their own way of coping. They are doing a big lantern memorial in the middle of the town later today but May said that Brie told her they wouldn't be going. They used to go to the one they did at the school every year but I think now they just like to stay in their little bubble, just her, Lee and Josh. The three of them mourning together.

I want to be with him. I completely respect why he felt today would be easier without me but it doesn't change that I just fucking want to be there for him.

I've never felt any envy towards Harley though, every time I met him growing up I really liked him. The way they loved each other was beautiful. He is the most important chapter in the book of Josh's life, that makes him important to me too.

The sun has long set but nobody has responded to any of my messages since lunch. Jayce told me not to expect too much, Lee has got a lot better at coping with what happened but even she tends to zone out on this one day.

I can't keep walking around this fucking house any longer; my room is the tidiest it's ever been, I've done all my school work until after Christmas and I've read through that LSU offer three times already! It's times like this where I really hate having lost my fucking licence. Eli offered to take me with him to that celebration his team is doing but I didn't want to be anywhere too far from Westbrooke in case Josh needed me.

Looking down at my car keys in the bowl by the front door, I often forget that it's still just sitting in the garage, like a constant reminder of what I gave up, not that I would change it for the world. Eli wouldn't have survived losing racing.

I've got to get out of here though.

Taking my hoodie off the stairs, the cool fresh air of outside is very welcome compared with the cold suffocating emptiness of that house. I've never felt this worried about anybody, I know that the girls will take care of him but it doesn't change how I feel.

I just walk, then just keep walking, not realizing how far I've got until I'm standing at the junction that leads straight down to Josh's house. He's asked me to stay away, and I will, but I don't want to be too far from here either. Fuck, damn body always being drawn to him like a fucking magnet.

Turning in the opposite direction, I make my way down past all the closed shops and busy evening bustling cafes, listening to the music that gently pumps out of the bars and remembering everything from last night.

I almost asked him to come to that showcase like three times, I was just kind of terrified that he'd think it was really stupid or that I definitely shouldn't be up there. I was so wrong.

The way that he looked at me after I finished that song, it'll be his face in that moment that will keep me alive in my darkest times. I won't ever forget it. I gave him everything I had in me, all the love that seems to be ever growing for him, I tried to release it with every word I was letting him hear.

Then I couldn't stop kissing him. He was so kind to Zoe and so patient with Eli, not an easy task. But the moment we were alone again it was like my lips couldn't get enough of him. We sat in that car for fucking hours.

If today had been any other day then I would have spent the night last night in his arms. I would have held him, kissed him, healed him, just the way I wish I could right now.

He'll always have a part of him that's broken, some wounds are too deep to heal. I just want to be the person that holds them together, the one to stop them tearing him apart.

I'll always remember the first memorial that I went to. Mum had constantly said we were too young before then, but May begged Granny and when she said yes Mum relented too. Granny's word was always law.

Lee was in pieces but she had Jayce, I didn't even know who Steve was back then but I could see the way that Brie was holding on to him and I knew she was safe. But Josh, he looked like he was going to fall apart any moment.

I fought my way out of Mum's hold, walking over and slipping my hand straight into Josh's. I didn't know how I felt about him back then, I'm not sure that it was possible for me to fully understand it at that time yet.

He held it together, he looked down on me, this little kid and it was like he found a strength he didn't know he had because I was there next to him. I realised then the same thing I know now; nobody could ever be Harley to him again, but maybe I could be something else.

The ocean water catches on the breeze, the sea salt sitting on my tongue as I weave my way through the people lining the streets, the sky now filled with the floating lanterns from the memorial. Everyone seems to be moving in slow motion today, like we're all trying to pull the weight of it through to another year together.

My legs actually burn from walking so far, the bay is almost on the entire opposite side of town from our house. The ocean is a lot calmer than the rising tides inside my chest, I can see the Wilson rocking back and forth at the bottom of the dock. I can't remember the last time they all went out on it but it still looks in such good shape, it was Jayce's first safe haven when he was trying to fix his own broken heart, he'll always take care of it.

Stepping down onto the beach, it's quieter than usual. A woman with what appears to be her daughter and a cute little boy thats hardly walking yet stand near the edge of the ocean, so I walk straight across the beach until I come to the big flat rock that Brie always used to bring us to when me and May needed an escape from the Manor years ago.

I let the stone bear my weight, everything being held down and heavy, the pressure in my chest only increasing when I glance at my phone to see there's still no new messages. I really want to check in on him with Brie or Lee but I know this day is just as hard for them as it is for him and I don't want to disturb them.

I wonder if that guy knew, when he loaded a shotgun and walked into a school that he was going to destroy so many lives, lives far beyond the ones he put bullets into.

I really used to hate him, I've never really hated anybody but I really really hated him. I hated him all the way until the day I was talking to Lee about it. To my surprise she told me she didn't hate him at all, I couldn't understand until she explained what the guy had been through. He was a kid, just like those kids in the bathroom the other day talking shit about me, too young and immature to be able to cope with all the shit he was dealing with and took it out on everyone he shouldn't have.

There is absolutely no excuse for what he did, he robbed so many people of so much, but people don't do things like that unless they are already so damaged. Maybe if somebody had taken the time to notice him, spot the marks on his body or the fear in his eyes, he wouldn't have walked into that school that day and did what he did. We all play a part in how the people around us turn out, it seems selfish to blame them for something we could have helped if we just bothered to pay attention. It's easy to ignore an outcast, until they make sure you can't.

For the first time in my life I can't even look at the stars, when I do all I think about is him now. I can feel he's in pain, don't ask me how because I can't explain it but I swear to God I can feel it in my heart.

Letting my head fall down to my knees, I try to block out every ounce of light and just listen to the crashing waves of the ocean as they smack relentlessly against the sand. It's actually calming, forcing myself to breathe in when they pull away and exhale when the sea returns.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" I lift my head, giving my vision a moment to adjust back before seeing the woman that was down by the ocean now standing next to the water that surrounds this rock, both her and the woman with her smiling back at me, the little boy tapping his fingers down on the water that surrounds us and giggling at the splash.

I return her smile and nod at her, I can appreciate that sitting here like this I don't look like I'm all that put together, which honestly I don't feel like I am. I feel helpless.

"Sorry, yes I'm fine. It's just today is..."

She gives me a sympathetic nod. "Hard. Yes my dear, it's a very hard day for a lot of people."

The little boy leans slightly further across the water, attempting to pick up a crab that is scurrying away and I can see what about to happen, leaning down and catching him right before he falls face first into the water and soaks that cute little shirt of his.

Both the women jump into action, picking him up and taking him from my hands, the older woman that was speaking to me before looking at me gratefully before brushing all the sand off his stomach. "My God, this boy is going to be the death of me. Children never have any fear, Thank you."

He actually reminds me of Heather, that girl would survive the apocalypse. Even at his age she was already ruling us all.

The little boy seems to have recovered from his near soaked experience, scampering down the sand as the woman I'm now guessing is his mother chases after him whilst the other lady just tilts her head to the side, observing me like she's trying to figure out what's happening in my head. "You lost someone at the school? Ten years is a long time to miss someone isn't it?"

It's strange, I always really liked Chad and Harley, but losing them didn't destroy me like it did other people. Watching the people left behind in pain was always far more hurtful for me.

"People I love did. I was in the junior hall when it happened but I got out before I saw anything." She gives me that look that people always give when they find out you were at a school where there was a shooting, if I'm really honest I don't remember that much about it after I hit my head so I don't feel in need of sympathy.

There is no hesitation in her when she steps straight through the pool of water that surrounds the rock, before coming up onto it and dropping down to wrap her arms right around me.

I'm pretty sure I've never met this woman but there's definitely something familiar about her, she kind of reminds me of Granny, the warm hands and comforting smile. Now that she's closer I can see that she's definitely been crying today already, I don't want to pry but most people in this town lost someone close to them that day one way or another.

The woman that was with her now has her child scooped up in her arms, walking towards me and rolling her eyes at her mother before mouthing an apology to me that leads me to believe maybe this woman is definitely the type that likes to hug a stranger in pain a lot.

"I'm so sorry my darling, that day I lost my–" She stops mid sentence when I meet her eyes, analysing my face more closely before her own orbs grow wide and I have no choice but to stare at her with confusion. "Milo?"

Oh shit, I hate when this happens. I keep looking at her but I definitely can't place her, Mum has like a million friends that I've met through all her different benefits so I can't remember them all but this woman clearly knows who I am.

"I'm sorry, I can't remember who–"

"Oh no my dear," She chuckles, holding my face in her hands like I'm something so precious to her. "I don't believe we've ever actually met in person before. I remember seeing you years ago but you were just a child, Josh said you had changed a lot but I didn't realise it would be this much. You are just as handsome as he said you were, you were very cute back then but even more beautiful now. Brianna has that lovely photo of you and May on her desk from a few years ago too, I must have seen it a hundred times when we've gone for lunch."

Josh? Brie? Who is...

She smiles at me, a big bright wide smile that spreads directly across her face and lights up the night sky, it's then for the first time I see the resemblance.

"I'm Nicola my darling, Harley's mum. I've heard all about you."

She's... Of course she is, how the fuck could I have missed that? She looks just like him. The same hazelnut chocolate skin tone, the same deep dark brown eyes, but it's the smile that's the dead giveaway.

Josh didn't tell me that he told her about us. In all honesty I thought that he might never do that, and I was okay with it because I never expected her to be this nice to me.

She just smiles, her hand still on the side of my face like she's trying to figure out the words to say, her daughter approaches and looks at the scene before her with her eyebrows scrunched together until Nicola turns to face her. "it's Milo, Josh's Milo."

The girl looks over at me, she's a bit older than I thought she was originally as she runs her eyes down from my head to my toes, the cheeky smirk on her face as she does it frighteningly similar to the one her brother seemed to give everyone back then too.

"Damn, Josh did good." Nicola rolls her eyes, giving me a pleading apology before pointing at her daughter and then pointing back at the car park. It's quite clear that she doesn't need to use her mum voice to command her own children.

"I'm sorry about her, twenty-eight years old with a husband and two kids but she still has all the morals of a damn rattlesnake." I burst out laughing as her daughter turns to shove her tongue out at her mother before scooping her little boy back up into her arms and walking towards the car park.

"I didn't realise... Josh didn't tell me that he told you guys about us." I force out, trying really hard not to let myself get choked up or say the wrong words.

"I'm not sure that he intended to tell us so quickly, I popped by to see him for lunch last week and I could see there was something different. Usually I only get to see him at Sunday dinner but I thought I'd surprise him. He could never hide anything from me, I can read that boy like an open book." Her eyes clearly show that she's had an emotional day but her aura is so warm you can't help but lean towards her.

She still hasn't removed her hand from my face, her thumb gently grazing against my cheek. "Josh is very special, I've wanted him to find happiness for the longest time. I am very proud that he's finally let himself open up to someone, a life alone is not what Harley would've wanted for him."

Shit, don't cry.

"There's still pain there with him, a pain he desperately needs to let go of. If you are half the man that he's told me you are, I have no doubts that you will be the one to help him release it my lovely."

God, I hope so too.

Taking her hand from my face, she pulls her shawl more tightly around her as the cold air whips between the loose weave. "I'd better go, I need to get that baby to bed, and by baby I mean my daughter, because that woman can hardly take care of herself I don't know how she's had two children." She laughs and I laugh alongside her. I like her, she's funny, and there's so much light around her even in this darkness.

She squeezes me quickly, I try to return it but I realise that my hands are shaking far more than they should be. She leans closer to my ear, whispering like she wants to say something only I can hear even though we are completely alone on this beach.

"Look after him. I love him, he is as much my son as all my other children. He's watched over by an angel... Now so are you."

She steps away, not seeming to care that her feet are soaked through as she walks merrily along the sand, blowing a kiss to the sea before stepping up the path and out of my sight.

An angel...

It's probably time we talked...

"Harley? I don't know if you can hear me right now, but I need to tell you something." I don't know what I'm waiting for, a sign? I just hope he understands me wherever he is. "I need you to know... Shit... I need you to know that I don't want to take away the part of him that belongs to you. I want to find a piece of him for myself. I'm never going to replace you and I'm never going to try. What you are to him you will always be..."

My breathing holts, the sea calming before me like it's taken on a new life and is now listening to what I have to say.

"He's ours Harley... I'm his, you are his, but he is ours... I don't think you'll ever understand how grateful I am that you've let me have him now... I promise to love him exactly the way you deserved to, forever."

The breeze hits me again but this time there is no chill to it, it's unnaturally warm for this time of night at the sea, almost like being held in a comforting embrace by an old friend.

My phone slips out of my pocket as it begins to ring, vibrating hard against the stone as Brie's name fills my screen.

I answer it quickly, but her unsettling tone does nothing to calm the nerves that have flooded my system all day.

"Brie? Hello?"

"Milo, I think you need to come over here." She speaks quietly, gently, something I didn't realise Brie was capable of and it's extremely unnerving.

"To Josh's? Brie he asked me to stay away today, he said that-"

"I know what he said," She interrupts. "But I've never seen him like this. It's been bad before but this is... It's  something else. He might not realise it but he needs you right now."

Josh needs me.

"I'm coming."

I race to the edge of the beach, getting ready to sprint all the way back to his place, pausing to look back at the sea for a moment only to be smacked in the face with the harshest gust of wind.

Okay! Damn it Harley, I'm going.

Pushy bloody angel.