My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 83

MILO’S P.O.V.

It’s been a week. A fucking week.

At first I thought he just needed time, even when he never messaged me back to find me down at the lake I wasn’t surprised. I fucked up, I really fucking fucked up.

It isn’t him, none of this is his fault. They say that when you're sad or angry you take it out on the people closest to you, because you know that they are the ones that will still be there when you're done. That’s exactly what happened on the court that night; he was there, and I took it out on him.

It took me so long to calm down that even two hours later I still couldn’t see the situation for what it was, it took May giving me one of her famous ‘get your head out of your fucking ass talks’ to finally make me see the light.

By then it was too fucking late. I made Eli take me straight to his house even though Mum had begged me not to leave the house so she could make sure I didn’t fuck my shoulder any worse than it already was, but he wasn't there when I got there.

I figured he’d gone over to Lee’s place but she called me later that night just to make sure I was okay and said she hadn't seen him all night. I told Eli I just needed to think and he dropped me off by the lake, I sat there for three hours in the fucking freezing cold, soaked to the core and my heart jumping right against my chest every time I saw a set of headlights, but it was never him.

When I got home, way after curfew with my body drenched to the point of pneumonia being a genuine threat, Mum went ballistic. She was pissed at Jayce for what he did to me, but I think she was even angrier at me for scaring her and disappearing.

Coach suspended me from practise until the medic can clear me so she decided to take it upon herself to pick me up from school everyday this week just to make sure I don’t go vanishing again. I couldn’t exactly explain to her that I have no reason to want to leave now, I didn’t even go meet Zoe and Luke at her place when they called to do the bio project because I convinced myself it would be the day I heard off him and wanted to be able to talk to him when I did. I didn’t.

I thought he’d call, I tried my best not to contact him when I knew he needed space but by Wednesday morning I hadn’t slept for two days and my body was too weak to fight my heart. I had a thousand things I wanted to say to him but in the end I just opted to tell him the truth.

‘I miss you’

Still nothing.

I considered getting Eli to take me down to his place or even back to his office, but I don’t want to make him talk to me before he's ready...

Or at least I didn’t until Thursday when it became quite clear that this went beyond needing time, he is purposely fucking avoiding me.

Brie had made it pretty clear that not turning up to the suit fitting was equal to treason in her eyes. I got there early just hoping to catch a minute with him, even a fucking second, only for her to come storming through the store screaming at the top of her lungs about the ‘useless rainbow prick’ who had no intention of showing up.

Then I stopped feeling hurt, and started feeling angry.

I know what I did was fucking bad, but to flake out on something so important to his best friend just so he didn’t have to fucking look at me, especially when he knew that I was going to be shoved back in a room with my brother for the first time since everything happened that day too, yeah he really pissed me off.

Yesterday I was so done with him ghosting me that I actually gave in and called fucking Charlie. Surprisingly, he was just as angry as I am. He said that Josh had told him everything about what happened at the game, and although he had reason to be upset, he also felt that there was something more going on here because Josh seemed to be avoiding him too. He said he’d been spacing at work and wouldn’t talk to anyone about anything that wasn’t business related. Like he’d completely cut himself off and was living in his own head.

As per usual, everybody’s anger with Jayce faded away quickly enough. Lee and Brie both claimed that they put him through the ringer after it all happened, which I think they probably did, but you'd never fucking guess it from the way his arms are wrapped around his wife's waist right now while she looks up at him with nothing but love.

At the suit fitting he tried to talk to me, but I still just can’t stand the sight of his face or the sound of his voice. Dad told him to give me some space, which he actually it seemed to listen to. The only loyalty I’ve had in this whole situation really has been from May. I tried not to laugh when Jayce came by to pick up Heather and Chase the morning after everything happened, only for May to come charging down the stairs and tell him he’d better get the fuck away from me before she gave him a matching injury on his own fucking shoulder.

I could see the hurt in his eyes to have May look at him with so much disgust, but he brought that shit upon himself.

Of course Mum could hardly cope with the tension from the start, but it all came to a head yesterday. She had a fucking breakdown when me and May refused to sit in the dining room with them having dinner after she informed us that Jayce, Lee and the kids would be coming too. Both of us held out strong, even when she began to cry, but it ended up being Heather that broke us.

Seeing the tears wave in her eyes when she realised that me and her favourite aunt were so angry with her dad, was enough for us to call a truce, at least for now. Mum quickly took advantage of our surrendering state, instructing both me and May that we had to attend today if we wanted any hope of leaving the house unsupervised again, and didn’t want to break our niece’s heart.

That’s how we find ourselves here, sitting together in the corner furthest from the fucking rest of them as they play happy families at the monthly barbecue.

“Come on pocket-poppet. I’ve got a burger with your name on it.” Dad whisks Heather up into his arms, tickling her so hard her laughter tries to tear its way through the unyielding atmosphere of today.

May and I haven’t said a lot, we both feel like we've been dragged here against our will, and quite honestly, I can’t deal with Jayce’s lame attempts at making conversation with me every few fucking minutes.

Lee is also apparently now living on a river in Egypt because she’s become the queen of fucking denial. Earlier she asked me, with all sincerity, if I was being quiet because I’m stressed about the scouts coming after Christmas! I don’t know if it’s those pregnancy hormones fucking with her head - oh yeah, she’s definitely knocked up again - or if we are just playing ‘let’s pretend nothing ever happened’, but either way I just looked at her in disbelief before my prick of a brother had the audacity to add that I’d do great when they got here so not to worry. Fuck him.

The weather is a lot warmer today than it was last week, the sun shining brightly down on everyone but I’m still wrapped up in my hoodie. Well, Josh’s hoodie.

I’ve been wearing it so much this week that a few nights ago I actually ended up falling asleep in the thing, it doesn’t even smell like him anymore but it’s the only thing I have that reminds me that what happened between us was even real.

May gags loudly, but when I turn to see what she is looking at I see that Lee and Jayce are very much locked at the fucking lips. Joyful. Brie and Steve have been the same way for most of the day and fuck knows where Hannah and Lisa have scarpered off too, they haven't seen everyone here in months but they still disappeared into the house together ten minutes after getting here.

Or maybe you’re just fucking jealous Milo, because you’re the only person here that doesn’t get to wrap his arms around the guy he feels like he's meant to be with.

I wasn’t really expecting everyone to stay mad at Jayce forever, no matter what he does they’ll all always forgive him. I did kind of hope the silent treatment would last more than three days though, the pain definitely fucking did. I’m pretty sure if I let him, he’d definitely want to apologise, he’s obviously remorseful despite what I said to him after he did it, but this is just what my family does – Bad things happen, we have a few days of bitterness, everyone has enough of it so pretends everything is better again, it all bubbles up under the surface until a few months later someone trips over someone else’s shoes and before you know it *bang* everything comes pouring out all over again and we’re forced to actually deal with it. My bet is on Christmas, May has new year. Any takers for St Patrick’s day?

Glancing back down at my phone again, I try not to, but still end up opening my messages and rereading the two that have never been replied to over and over again.

I did have a moment of hope when I arrived here that he might actually be here too, but Brie said he rang this morning to cancel. I’m not sure how much longer I can take of this, I haven’t had to go longer than a day without talking to him since the moment we kissed for the first time.

I need him to know how fucking sorry I am, but If he's going to fucking end this, and fucking break me in the process, the least he could do is say it to my face this time, not just disappear on me... again.

My guilt over what happened is tearing away at my insides, the blood pooling in the wake of what used to be my gut is making me feel sick.... but there's something else too, things I thought I’d forgotten about a long time ago are clawing their way back into the surface of my subconscious... haunting me with the pain of what once was, a frightening reminder of how he's done this before... to me..

“Milo, you’re my brother and I love you, but you seriously need to stop staring at those messages, even I could recite them off by heart at this point...  Why don’t you just try calling him again?” May asks, trying not to make it obvious so keeping her eyes on her phone but reaching her hand out to squeeze mine before pulling it back again.

All I’ve thought about is calling him again, but I’m just too terrified that the moment I do, that'll make all this real and he'll just end it before truly walking away from me.

I’m not strong enough to handle that.

Heather races up and throws herself onto May’s lap after her little sparring session with Steve. Her smile has been the only thing that made it worth sitting through this hell of a barbecue today. I ruffle her hair even though I know she hates it, her face screwing up in disgust before she begins to flatten it back down again.

“Do not touch the hair! Auntie Brie says that touching a girls hair without her permission is grounds to tear your balls off. Back off!” Sometimes I look at that girl and see the sweet little angel that is the twin of her mother, other times I just see a miniature version of May and Brie combined into a feisty little blonde package that is bound to put her father in an early grave.

Heather runs off just before I hear Brie shout something over at Lee about a baby situation, who is too caught up in her husband to notice. Mum picks up Chase and tries to balance him whilst coming towards the changing bag, so I pick it up and toss it over to her, regretting it instantly when the pain shoots up straight through my shoulder.

“Shit...” I try to mutter it quietly under my breath but both May and a passing Elizabeth glance at me to make sure I’m okay. I give them both the nod before returning my attention back to my phone. The pain isn’t too bad as long as I don’t strain it, but when I got here and realised that Jayce was out of his sling on the same week my trainer is telling me I could be out for six fucking weeks, it only added to my irritation.

I’m really trying not to be mad, I’m not a naturally angry person like him and I was kind of expecting it to go down this way. Jayce is the Golden Boy, no matter what he does they just can't help but love him. If the roles had been reversed and I’d been the one to shove my hand into his injured shoulder, I have no doubts that Hannah’s visit today would have included shoving a pair of cuffs on me and dragging me down to the station ‘to teach me a lesson’.

A strong wind rushes through the trees as the party starts to die down and people begin to finish off the last of this batch of food. I’m grateful that in about half hour I’m sure me and May will be released from our blood oath contract and will be free to seek out the company of people we'd actually rather be around right now.

“So you finally managed to get him to show his face then huh? Thought he died or something.” Lee asks as Brie comes over and settles in the seat next to me. She wiggles uncomfortably whilst looking over at Steve, why the fuck didn't she just go sit over by there?

“You know that he can't say no to me when I lay it on thick like that. Although, I might have used Heather as a bit of emotional blackmail after I found out he has Liam with him too, he should be here any minute.”

Liam? My head shoots up from my phone along with May's as we look over at her sister, who appears incredibly proud of herself.

“Josh? Josh is going to be here any minute?” I try to hide the nervous stutter from my voice but by the way May is digging her nails into my ribs  to make me stop I guess I’m not doing a very good fucking job of it.

Lee nods, taking another bite of what must be her sixth burger, but Brie just continues to stare at me.

“Yeah, he’s bringing Liam with him. Have you two spoken since...?” She doesn't finish her sentence, apparently realising a moment too late that she's broken some kind of unspoken promise we all made just to pretend that last week didn't even fucking happen. “You’ve met Liam right?” She asks trying to change the subject, but her words just float in and out of my mind as my heart rate spikes.

Josh is coming here. Now.

Lee begins a conversation about needing something to fill a space in another corner of the garden, her and Brie wandering off to go see what she’s talking about, but when I hear a car engine pull up outside I just can’t focus on anything but him.

Every noise I hear only seems to make my heartbeat faster; the engine turning to silence, car doors opening then slamming, the unmistakable sound of footsteps scurrying along the gravel at the side of the house. He's close.

His frame comes into view via his shadow before I even get to see him, May slamming her hand down on my leg to prevent me from springing out of this seat and running straight over to him. I really love her right now, she’s all that's keeping me together.

He steps around the corner and instantly all the air has been sucked out of my lungs. I’ve done nothing but stare at the photos I took off me, him and Liam back at the diner all week, but just seeing him in person right now is having such an effect on my body that I can feel my legs shaking against the bench underneath me.

Look at me... Please look at me...

Lee and Brie manage to capture him before he gets any closer, but Liam looks around at everyone here before his eyes settle on mine and he smiles that cute little coy smile of his. He looks up and says something to Josh that I can’t hear from this far across the garden, but whatever it was is enough for Lee and Brie to look at each other with confusion before all three of them turn to face me.

Fuck, those eyes. I’ve missed them so fucking much...

He nods whilst looking at me as some kind of acknowledgement to Liam about whatever he asked him, he doesn’t even unlock his eyes from mine when Liam lets go of his hand and starts to sheepishly walk his way towards where I sit.

Will you please come with him... I don’t give a fuck what any of them think, just come here and fucking kiss me.

When Liam gets within arms length of me, I force myself to look away from his gorgeous brother and raise my hand to give the nervous little boy a high five. He seems to look at my hand as if he has no idea what to do with it, before pushing it aside and stepping straight in to wrap his arms around my neck.

“Hey little man...” I whisper quietly.

I can see a few people around us are confused as to why a little boy who generally hides from all of them, is happily curling his way around my body. He smells like Josh. I feel like a right little weirdo sniffing his hair as he buries his little face in to my chest. Is it really stupid to have missed a kid that I’ve only truly met once? Because I missed him.

He doesn’t seem in a hurry to move and I’m honestly not in a rush to let him go either, but when I look over at Josh I can see every emotion possible running through his eyes. He looks almost guilty, I’d say he has nothing to feel guilty for but after a week of him ignoring me I’m not adverse to him feeling bad about it.

Liam eventually pulls back, turning in my lap so he’s facing May, who gives him a small wave.

“Liam, have you met May before?” He nods gingerly, resting his head against my shoulder for a moment before summoning the courage to extend his hand towards her. He was clearly trying to go for a formal handshake, but May being May decides instead to slap his hand with hers, force it into a fist before giving him a bump and then waving it away. Liam looks at her like she’s completely lost her fucking mind but if anything that just makes him that much cuter.

“Liam!” Heather runs over to us like an electrical ball of energy. “Do you want to do painting with me? Daddy said we can use his paints if we don’t mix them, but he won’t shout at us if we do, I’ve done it lots of times.”

I envy the way she still sees Jayce as a hero, I just hope to God for her sake that it never changes.

Liam nods, letting me give him another hug before Heather grabs hold of his hand and practically pulls him off his feet whilst trying to get him over to the little paint station she has set up on the table.

Josh was talking to Elizabeth, but when she walks away he just stands alone by the back door. He looks directly at me and I watch him almost take a step towards where I’m sitting before pulling himself back again. The back door opens, Hannah and Lisa finally re-joining the group with large smiling faces. I know what he’s going to do before he even does it, Josh looks at Liam to make sure he’s alright before turning and racing into the house.

No. I’m not letting you run away again.

This time May doesn’t try to stop me, my legs taking me faster than I knew I could move, until I’m inside the house watching him trying to get away into the bathroom.

Got you.

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