My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 222

"Xade?"

What the fuck is he doing here?

The moment I step out of the club I see him standing there against his car, arms folded over his chest as he just looks me up and down with fury burning in his eyes.

Fuck...

I forgot he was picking me up... I was supposed to be out of here at fucking eight.

"Where the fuck were you Josh?" His tone isn't harsh but it's sharp, he's definitely not fucking happy with me and as I stare down at my watch to see it's almost ten, I understand why.

Fuck.

"Shit, I'm so fucking sorry. I got... distracted. Why didn't you just come in and get me?" Xade isn't someone that naturally goes to anger, it really doesn't suit him, but I can't blame him for being seriously pissed at me.

"The club is at capacity, the bouncers wouldn't let me in unless I was willing to stand in that fucking queue for the last hour, of course if I'd realised you were going to take this long I would have." Shit, he's just been fucking waiting here... While I was in there... with... "I've called your phone a shit-load Josh, I even tried to Charlie. They told me your coat was in the check in so I knew you were still in there, I was just fucking worried."

Of course he was, of course he'd fucking wait here all fucking night just to know I got home okay... because he's not a seriously fucking shit person like you.

"I'm sorry, we just got talking and dancing, I didn't hear my phone." Xade sighs, glancing down the street and taking a deep breath before he returns his vision to me.

I don't want to do this here... A part of me doesn't want to do this at all, a part of me just wants to get in that car and go home to start my comfortable fucking life with him. He deserves that life he wants, he deserves it more than anyone else I've ever fucking met.

I wish I could give it to him... I really fucking wish I could.

"Okay, I get it, it happens." Oh god, please don't be understanding... Please scream as me, please shout and smack my fucking chest and fucking hate me. Please don't be this fucking precious.

"Xade, can we just go somewhere that isn't outside this club please?" I practically beg, worry appearing in his eyes as he nods his head.

"Yeah, of course. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a... Josh, are you seriously not wearing your ring in there?"

Fuck.

I look down at my empty hand and my heart just clenches all over again. I didn't even realise I wasn't fucking wearing it... it doesn't feel like a part of me.

I can't keep doing this, he doesn't deserve this. We have to go, now.

"Xade, can we just go somewhere to talk please?" My brain still feels hazy as fuck from all the drinks but I won't let this drag on for another night. I won't spend one more night with him in my bed while another man sits in my head. I know what I almost did in there, if I'm even capable of fucking thinking about doing that then I shouldn't be with him.

"Yeah, let's go home... You can tell me all about what got you so distract–"

"Josh!"

Oh no.

Go, you shouldn't fucking be here right now Miles. Go.

Wherever Miles is behind me he's stopped, Xade locking eyes with him over my shoulder before they practically roll into the back of his head.

"Of course... I should have fucking known."

No, please don't look at me like that. Just take me home and let me explain. I don't want it to fucking happen like this, I love you so fucking much, this doesn't change that.

"Xade, please-"

"No." He states firmly, trying his best to keep his eyes stuck to me but they just keep flittering over my shoulder. Like fuck am I looking back there. "Josh, I know I fucked up yesterday with him but I think I've been pretty fucking understanding all things considered. You've been off ever since Brie told you that he was going to be at that party last night. I'm not stupid, I could see it. Everything was fine between us, great even, but one mention of his fucking name and everything changed. I saw the way you looked at him Josh, I could feel it in your fucking pulse when he walked in!"

I know you could... I know you fucking could.

"I went up those stairs and you were smiling at him in a way that you've never smiled at anyone else... like you've never smiled at me. I shouldn't have told him the way I did, but then walking into your house last night after you said you wanted to be alone just to find him there? Yeah, that fucking hurt, but I didn't say shit because you've never given me a reason not to trust you..."

I hate that I've hurt him, he's the last person that ever deserved it.

"Then you wake up this morning and you can't even fucking kiss me, you practically threw me out of that house before Liam woke up then made me wait out here for fucking hours after you begged me to pick you up, only for me to find that you were with him again! You owe me some fucking honesty here Josh, it's the least you can fucking do."

He's right, he's so fucking right.

"I know I do. Xade, can we please talk about this somewhere else?" This man is usually the most rational person that I know, but his emotions are getting the better of him now. He just shakes his head, stepping forward from the car until he's right in front of me, looking at me in a way that just rips apart my fucking soul.

Love, fear, hurt.

All things I'm fucking responsible for.

"I just need you to answer me one question Josh, and you'd better answer it fucking honestly."

He stares into my eyes with his piercing green ones, he's trying to mask it with everything he has but the pain I'm causing him is crumbling his entire beautiful spirit with every breath that he takes.

You owe him Josh. You fucking owe him.

"Okay."

He reaches out, holding the side of my face with his warm hands and stroking his thumbs against my cheekbones but never letting his vision move for a moment from mine. His heart-breaking intake of stuttered breath never even reaching his lungs before he lets the words leave him with a painful whimper.

"Are you marrying me because you want me... Or are you marrying me because you couldn't marry him?"

The tears swell in my eyes as I look at him pleading with me through those summer leaf orbs, he's so fucking broken. He might have the most beautiful heart and soul of anyone I've ever met, being loved by him has been a fucking privilege I never deserved...

... but we both know the answer to that question. So much so that I don't need to say a word before he let's his head fall down against my cheek.

I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so so fucking sorry I did this to you.

The tear finally falls from my eye before it splashes against his skin, an unbearable amount of pain making me feel like all my bones are being shattered one at a time as he lets his own tear loose.

I can feel his heart breaking, I can feel the hurt and destruction that I've caused his soul radiating all over his body. He's such a good man, I'm so far from that now.

He doesn't look up at me again, just raising his lips enough to press them against my jaw before letting go of me completely and walking away.

The tears fall freely down my face when I see he can't even get in his car, racing across the street and weaving in and out of traffic before I lose him to the crowds.

I destroyed another person, and for what? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.

"Josh..."

Turning, I ignore the voice that continues to call after me, just letting myself fade away back into the darkness... where I belong.