My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 199

My heart shatters.

Neither of us want to admit it, but both me and Josh knew from that first time that Stephanie turned up to take Liam that I was the deciding factor here. I'm the wild card, the thing that makes him look unfit.

Everything else that's happened; the kidnapping and the overdose with Heather, they were both beyond Josh's control. Even the homophobia and Chrissie's wishes can all be overturned after Josh has been given the chance to prove himself as a long term carer for Liam... I'm the only thing he's picked, I'm the one thing he's hanging onto that could get between him and Liam being the family they are supposed to be.

"I'm so sorry Milo." I know she is. "I wish I could tell you that it's not that way, I wish I could tell you that your age or your sex or your record pale in comparison to who you are as a person, but I've been in this system long enough to know it's not true... Here, perception is reality."

Perception is reality. From the day we've been together it's never been me or Josh that are the problem in our relationship, it's the way the world views us, the decisions they make about what kind of people we must be based on the tiniest aspects about us. Age, sex, when we met... all things people judge us for without ever trying to understand who we are as human beings.

"The way that your and Josh's relationship will be viewed in that courtroom, I know it won't be good no matter how I try to word it Milo. Most of those judges are old, straight, white guys in their sixties. All they're going to see is an older man trying to get custody of one child whilst dating what is practically another. Add your record on top... They aren't going to see the person either of you are, only the people they think you are."

A tiny tear finally leaks out of my eye onto my cheek, I try to wipe it away quickly but I know Stephanie has already seen it, my soul splitting in my chest until all that sits where my happiness used to be is emptiness.

This isn't... We're not... It's not fair... It's not right... It just... It just is.

"What would I need to do? Do I just need to... break up with..." I can't even say the fucking words, I literally feel like I'm fucking choking on them.

The thought of not being with Josh... I can't, I can't... Even imagining it is feels like it's fucking killing me.

But the idea of Liam not being with Josh because of me... I couldn't live with that.

I won't do that to him, I won't do that to them.

"Milo, I really wish it was that easy... but I've seen you and Josh together. I'm not stupid sweetheart, I can't in good faith walk into a courtroom and say that Josh is not in a relationship with anyone when you guys clearly love each other so much you would never truly stay apart. You'll just try and keep things hushed, go back into hiding. I very much doubt that you will be able to stay away from each other for the next –"

"No, it wouldn't be like that... I'll leave." My heart collapses, imploding into tiny pieces at the words finally leaving my lips... The though has been in my mind ever since they threw me into that cell, I fucked up... This is how I fix it for them.

"What do you mean you'll leave?" Stephanie leans her head down to try and look at me but all I can do is run the fabric of Josh's hoodie between my fingertips and try my best to keep myself together, even if everything is screaming at me to fall apart.

"I've had an offer to go and play ball at LSU, they want me to start in a few days. I'll take the offer and I'll leave, I won't be hiding in the shadows, you won't have to be afraid of me turning back up." It's the only fucking way... if I was to stay in Westbrooke I know I couldn't stay away from him, no matter how much I tried. My body has always drawn me to him like a fucking magnet from the day we met. He holds the other half of my soul, everything in me wants to be with him.