Revenants - Arcane LOL x Male Reader

Chapter 25

"Ended up spilling my secrets," I lift my head from between my shoulders.

"I thought if someone would give you a wake-up call, or at the very least hit some sense into you, it would be her. She didn't end up doing that much so I guess you aren't that far away from who you are supposed to be."

"Talking about who we are supposed to be when all of us haven't been the same."

He nods, "It's different. You are the way you are because you believe there is nothing else to live for other than killing them. Look around you, all this life, a time where we can grow and save these people to become something better, and yet... all you and your people chase is your own deaths."

"In our deaths, we take hundreds with us. We fight for the same thing-"

"But you don't value your life or those that stand with you."

"A terrible accusation," I sigh, "I don't want any of them to die. I never once asked them to give their lives to me, I don't lead anybody on when I can't give them what they want in return. I don't expect anything from them. They made me their leader, I am nothing but someone ready to pass from this one and into the next."

"Even now?"

I shake my head, "I don't know."

He chuckles, "It took me years to drill that into your head, Vi comes back and suddenly you don't know? Were we even friends back then?"

I nod, "We were. She didn't push me away," I look him in the eyes, "Then again, we both did stupid shit."

"Agree to disagree," then with a long sigh, "Let's say that Vi put your thoughts into the right direction, I never once stopped being your friend. Unless you have become blind to why I was so hard on you as well. I imagine it hard seeing with that mask on."

"You get used to blocking everything out, mask makes it easier," I nod again, then smiling at him, "Plenty of times you could have kicked me out when I came to you, though it all ended up with a fight you never threw me out."

"I wanted to a lot of times."

I nod, "Let's hope things change for the better, we deserve that much."

"It doesn't just happen."

I nod, lifting myself to my feet, "One day, but it isn't easy. It stops when his heart does," I say, "Would you allow me that much? Or am I asking for too much, expecting that revenge would change anything, will it just be empty and mean nothing? Despite everything I have done, not giving up because all that matters, in the end, was seeing him in a pool of his own blood."

"All I am saying is, don't lose yourself," he lifts himself, resting his hand on my shoulder giving it a quick squeeze.

"I can't lose him any more than I already have," I reassure him, resting my hand on his arm "Thanks."

"What for?" he narrows his eyes as he tilts his head.

"Too many things to list."

***   ***   ***

We leave soon, with that blue crystal needing to be sent back to the upper-city. It looks like I will be tagging along after all, though Vi doesn't know it I fully intend on just getting them to the bridge... everything after that I will be returning to the Revenants.

"(Y/N)," I say as I side next to Caitlyn, "You asked me for my name, there you have it. Considering that I can keep it all that much hidden and I don't think Vi will opt for the other name."

"Quite ridiculous," she chuckles slightly, the corner of her mouth arching upwards only to fade into a frown, "You plan on going back to your people... the Revenants?"

"Reading right through me?"

Shaking her head, "I had a feeling that you would be leaving soon like you never felt like belonging somewhere."

"Or maybe because that feeling of wanting to belong was choked out of me," then glancing to Vi and Ekko, "Though I might be in way over my head, I hope that I can find some peace."

"In murder?"

I glance at her, clearly judging me silently, "Say shadow, I have a question for you. One that I had an answer for all this time."

"What?"

"There is killing for the sake of killing, there is killing to survive. In this world it might just come down to those two - then you will ask yourself what do you need to do? Was I doing the right thing? But when the time comes it will become come clear whether it is harder to survive or to kill someone."

"What is harder for you?" she asks, I look at her as she watches me intensely.

"Surviving," I give her a weak smile.

"That is... terribly sad," she lowers her gaze from my eyes.

I only nod in agreement, "When trying to live a life worth living, is so close to becoming the very thing that pushed you to the edge... where do we draw the line? We make sure that the ghosts we left behind, stay dead."

"Or are you just trying to justify yourself, hoping that somehow between all the twisted feelings that you are still a good guy?"

"You think me the same as the people that created Shimmer? Same as the people making life worse for those in Piltover... same as the Chembarons because I am just like them," I shake my head, you are terribly out of touch shadow.

Or maybe you do agree with me, but the idea of it feels wrong to you. With worlds like these, how are we supposed to understand that which made us this way... that which kills dreams.