A Silence In The Chaos

Silence 20: Peace

Silence Twenty

My heart has been beating so fast. I held my chest while I looked up at the guest room's ceiling. Hindi pa rin ako makatulog.

I tuned to my left and shut my eyes tightly. After waiting for several minutes, I still feel so awake. I turned to the right but it was the same. Mukhang hindi madadaan sa tamang posisyon ang pagtulog ko.

I cannot sleep without telling him. That after all these years, he has been my only peace. He shielded me from the world that tried to scar me.

Alas onse na ng gabi. And my head is not being reasonable right now. I can't run to him in the middle of the night. I don't even know where he is staying. But can I?

Umayos ka, Ysabelle!

Damn it!

Padabog akong bumangon sa kama at tumayo. Kaya lang ay bigla akong natigilan at napatulala sa pader. Gagawin ko ba talaga ito? Ngayon talaga, Ysabelle?

Habang nag aaway ang isip at puso ko ay dinala ako ng aking paa papalabas ng kwarto. And when I got out, I've decided I will run for the front door and go where my feet directs me to. Kahit na hindi ko alam kung saan siya hahanapin.

My foot steps echoed Thelma and Bryce's house.

Then a knock on the door made me pause. In the middle of the night? Who could possibly be as crazy as me, deciding to barge into other people's house at this late hour?

I know I should be cautious of an unknown visitor. Lalo na at gabi. Ngunit nahanap ko na lang ang sarili ko na binubuksan ang locks ng pinto at pinihit ang door knob.

Nang tumingala ako ay namilog ang aking mata.

He also looked startled that it was me who opened the door. He opened his mouth to speak but I jumped him before he could even utter a word.

"Noah!" ipinalibot ko ang aking braso sa kanyang leeg . Akala ko'y mahihirapan ako dahil sa kanyang tangkad. But he lifted me off the floor.

Maybe it's because after all these years, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang pagbagsak ng sarili ko. I always tried to keep myself together. Pero ngayon... ngayon ko lang naramdaman na may permiso akong humina.

I cried with my face buried on his neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Noah," may kasamang mga hikbi kong saad. Mas hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa kanya.

"Shh..." humalik siya sa aking ulo. "What's the problem? Why are you crying, hmm? Tell me."

I shook my head and cried more.

You have to tell him, Ysabelle! You have to tell him! Hindi ako patutulugin nito hangga't hindi niya nalalaman at nararamdaman.

But I can't seem to speak. Kinain na ng paghagulgol ko ang mga salitang gusto kong palabasin sa aking bibig.

"I.." it was an unfinished sentence before I broke down crying once more. I clutched his white shirt tighter. Afraid that if I can't manage to speak then he'll leave right away.

I heard him grunt na parang nahihirapan siyang huminga.

"I won't go," he assured me. Sinubukan niyang tignan ang aking mukha ngunit mas lalo ko lang iyong ibinaon sa kanyang leeg. I need to feel him. Heck! I want to smell him! Just any indication that will tell me that this is true.

"I love you," I breathed.

"You're worrying me, baby. What's wrong?" may bahid ng pag aalala sa kanyang tono.