legends never die || josh kiszka

32

Josh

"When I needed you the most, you walked away."

Those words lingered in the back of my mind since her pink lips uttered them, and all I could think about was how guilty I was feeling. There was a distinct catch in her voice when she spoke and I knew what it meant, and I hated being the cause of it.

It's been two days and Lorelei and I have been practically inseparable, attached at the hip. We haven't argued or fought or even talked about it, and that's fine because I'll be here, waiting for her to talk to me when she's ready.

I asked her what happened the first night in Philadelphia and she refused to talk about it. 'Maybe someday soon, just not now.' was the exact way she put it, and I dropped it. When she wants to talk, she will.

I'm just happy she's back where she belongs - with me.

The Carolina air smelled of salt and sea, something that wasn't particularly familiar to me but reminded the two best friends of home. Florida, that is, where they live now.

There was a fire in the middle of us and it roared as the wind touched our skin, bringing moist droplets with it to pepper our cheeks. Lorelei was zoned out, again, and recently I've noticed she's been in her own world more than reality.

Her eyes drooped ever so slightly out of tiredness and she let her fingers play mindlessly in the sand. The orange glow from the fire reflected on her face and she was beautiful. You can tell this is where she thrives; sitting oceanside, a faint glow illuminating her features, wind blowing through her hair.

I know she's been on social media more as of late. Photographers really have a hard time leaving her alone, and at the last party she went to, they took lots and lots of pictures, ones that weren't exactly flattering.

She still looked stunning. I'm biased, of course, but the photos showed angles of her dress that made her little back line look prominent, and people were having a field day with the them. A lot of people were calling her fat and other horrible things and it made me upset, obviously, because I love her love handles and the dimples in her back, just at the bottom of her spine, but she didn't.

Lorelei was having a hard time staying offline. She would refresh a few times each minute to see if there was anything else anyone had to say that very second about her and her "back fat," and I knew it was unhealthy for her to do so. She's already been acting down lately and this just made it worse.

Whatever happened in Philadelphia has changed her. It wasn't as noticeable at first, but it definitely is now. Not as noticeable to my siblings, maybe, but Anastasia and I could tell. We mutually agreed to keep a closer eye on her until she seems to be feeling better, whenever that may be.

Since we've arrived in North Carolina, we've spent the majority of time on the beach. Our show was yesterday, the same day we arrived, and we're set to leave the day after tomorrow for one stop in Georgia and two stops in Florida, the last of which would be a week in Orlando. We'd be staying at Lorelei's and Anastasia's house. Then, the US leg of the tour is over, and we have a three week break, and then we're flying to Tokyo, Japan to begin our international leg of the tour.

It's been rough.

You can't tell just by looking at me, but I would prefer staying home if I had to choose between staying home or going out. I'm an extrovert, but sometimes I don't handle being away from home so great. I love to travel, but i've never been away from home for so long. I find myself calling my parents for any reason whatsoever or no reason whatsoever just to talk to them. Hell, I even miss Ronnie.