SAVE ME (BTS): Last Breath (Taehyung)

Chapter 16: The Change

I don’t know how Taemi is surviving but my life feels like it's on a repeat too. Everyday, I just feel guilty for all I’ve done but everything changed when I met these 6 guys. We were all friends back then. We did almost everything and promised each other to stay together forever… and we managed to find each other and had a small reunion. 

I had the best time with all of them. They made me even more courageous and happier. One time, we drove to an isolated place which had a great ocean view. I dared myself to jump off this old tall tower and so I climbed all the way to the top and guess what, I jumped! For the first time! I’ve never felt so relieved before. I’ve never thought I’ll have so much courage to jump… Sometimes, I’m just so thankful they’re my friends. 

One of my besties was this guy named Namjoon. After hearing about his life, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one suffering. He had a tough time finding jobs too, but one of them is an oil patrol part timer. Listening to his small stories makes us laugh and feel sympathetic to each other too. That was the best time of my life. “Hey, wanna check out this new spray paint?” He asked me. I wasn’t really sure what he was talking about until he talked about trying at the paint on a wall which sounded like vandalism. I hesitated at first, but after I looked at Namjoon’s excited face, I thought it would be great to do something he suggested. I don’t wanna lose anymore friendships. I thought. That night, it was particularly super dark. We took out some spray paint cans and started doodling words on the wall. There were some passersby but we didn’t care, Namjoon’s smile was one of the most beautiful smiles ever. “Hey!” We heard a distant voice and turned around, it’s the police. I thought we should surrender but Namjoon immediately told me to run and so I followed him. 

I thought that was the coolest thing I’ve done; doing things that I’ve never thought I’ll do. Definitely, we got caught in the end… but it wasn’t the perfect “ending” I thought. Namjoon was caught innocent because his bag does not have the spray paint cans but mine did. It isn’t really a big deal since I just had a warning from the police and set free. “Isn’t it fun?!” Namjoon jokingly hit my shoulder. “Yea…” I replied to him hesitantly. I guess I enjoyed it?

On our way home, I saw this lonely, injured dog. I wanted to approach it and see what’s wrong with the dog but Namjoon stopped me. “That dog was definitely bullied and kicked out by the owner, it must’ve been a bad dog.” Namjoon pulled my arms away from the dog. However, I let go of his grip and got a little angry (maybe because of that police thing…), “Are you saying ignore that dog? Do you even know how long it has been there, freezing in the cold? Do you not have sympathy for this dog? How can you…” We fought a little… (Just a little) Like this, our friendship is gone… again. Just for one dog… but at least I’ve a dog now! A cute white small dog, just like a snowball. 

But my life doesn’t end this way, I tried to distract myself from friendships and some complicated sibling relationships. I tried boxing. I went to this small boxing place that rarely has anyone coming for boxing but I went there just to release all my anger and frustrations. I want to prove to myself that I can be stronger, that I can defeat anyone. Even if practising boxing everyday does help, I decided to lose contact with my 6 friends. They never tried to contact me either, I guess it’s better for me to part ways and live by myself. Maybe because I’ve always been myself throughout my whole life. And so, I decided to live back to normal with a dog now, after corrupting my life and hurting myself for the past few months.

But even with a “renewed” life, I felt that I’ve still never been happy, and never will be. Just like a guy stuck in a cage with no one to help you… 

[Author's note: you can see this video if you want! (creds to HYBE Labels :))]