Reach For The Stars (Tommyinnit x Reader)

Chapter 68

Tw// self harm, suicide mention, recklessness and thunderstorm

Not proof read

It was raining and Thundering. What a way to end the day. It's really late. People are either in bed or in their rooms. I was in my bathroom softly crying on the floor as blood softly spills from my wrist as I cut. Not deep enough to kill me but to only cause pain.

I really hate thunderstorms. It could be the crashing and banging that brings back the memories or the load sounds from above with lighting I can't control.  I clean up my bathroom and tip toes out the front door. I walked to the middle of the road and sat there. Rain bounced off of me but making sure it left me soaked. I leaned my body against the wood fence outside of our yard.

Not even 60 ft away a flash appeared. I didn't flinch nor did I make a sound. I started waiting for the bang that soon followed. My arms stung from the fresh wound and the freezing water seemed as if it's Winter. I didn't care, I had no reason to care.

  I sat there watching the rain fall into a pattern making ripples into the puddles below.  It reminded me how Tommy and I would hold hands and dance in the rain. How we would swim even though he knew I hated being in bathing suits. He was my lightning to my thunder. Rather now I'm just raining lonely rain.

I could be in a room full of people but it wouldn't change a thing. Feeling lonely and like everyone was watching you. I didn't even realize that I was crying. It felt good to cry in the rain. I wanted to scream and punch the ground and anything I saw. Only if I found the courage to move. 

I so badly wanted the wind to blow me away for me to never return to this reality as it's done nothing but keep me it's prisoner. Streaming away the pain didn't help rather it sometimes made it worse. The hate piled up like a landfill. Normally I could ignore it but not this time.  I was crying not softly but not to load either.

  I feel so lost. 

Footsteps could be heard trudging through the puddles. I ignored it. I blocked out the sound.  I didn't want to know who it was. So they could pity me or judge me. No. I didn't want to apologize. I didn't want them to tell me it was going to be okay. I don't want their bullshit explanation on how I should feel.   I Felt someone sitting next to me.  They put a hand on my shoulder.

" hey y/n" his voice was sad but it told me who he was. " Hi George, " I said softly. " I didn't expect to see you out here in a thunderstorm, don't you hate these" he questioned. He didn't ask me how I was feeling. Why? EVERYONE and I mean everyone asks me. What makes him different.? 

"  sometimes the things that scare you are the most beautiful. I can't be scared of it anymore for I can't be hurt more than I already have" I let out a small sniff and wiped my tears. Not like it did much from the rain. "I can't bring myself to be scared, '' I whispered. He pulled me over and into a hug from the side.

"Listen kiddo, I can't tell you it's going to be okay. I'm not gonna give you a bullshit response. I can promise you that everyone in this house loves you. It might not seem like it but they do. " George rubbed my back as I softly cried. '' Why didn't you say what everyone else says? " I asked.

" y/n I can't tell you it's going to be ok or that everything gets better. I simply can't because it's not my decision to make. I can't make you okay. You have to do that yourself. The only thing I can do is support you and help you through it. The one thing I won't let happen is you harming yourself that I will stop you. " I could feel him smile. I smiled too. Someone who understood.  Someone who cared. 

"I do have to say this just know you can talk to me. I don't care what it's about. Even if it's about Mario kart I'll listen. Right now let's get you inside you soaked. " he jokes a bit. I nodded and got up from the ground and walked into the house with him. " Wait, why were you outside to begin with?" I questioned why George did such a weird thing.

"I was going to walk home when I heard you crying and stopped. " I nodded and gave him a quick hug before leaving for the stairs. He waved and left the door with a smile.  I went up the stairs to be met with will on a couch waiting for me. 

" y/n you can just leave the house with no notice " was mad. I didn't understand why I couldn't leave. Tommy gets to leave on his own. Same with Tubbo, Lani, Drista and Ranboo.  It simply just wasn't  fair.

" Why?" I asked. I truly wanted to wander. He treats me like a child and I'm sick of it. " Maybe because You could get hurt or lost. Your being reckless right now and I'm not for it" his tone was stern. Ranboo and tubbo walked out of the kitchen with pizza.

" I'm six fucking teen I don't need you to watch me like a hawk. I love the concern  but I don't need your permission to leave the house. " I shook my head in disbelief.  " For 16 you sure are reckless with how you do things.  Not to mention  how you're feeling right now it's not something to play around with " he yelled. I could hear doors open.

" I don't even trust you to drive anyone around at the moment, what if you want to drive off a cliff. Everyone in that car would die and it would be your fault. " he continued to yell.  " You really think that low of that I would want to kill my self and my friends. " I spoke softly. I didn't like the yelling and I was not about to compete with him. 

"YES I REALLY do " he was very passionate with his answer. He believed it all the way down to his heart.  " oh " was all I would make out.  I dropped my head to look at the floor and at my drenched feet.

" You drain everyone in this house because they try to keep an eye on you.  "  I didn't want everyone to watch over me. I don't want everyone to take time out of their day to stalk me. 

" I never asked for this"  a tear  rolled down my face.

" Neither did I but I'm stuck here now and you're being selfish and not realizing what it does to other people'' I went to open my mouth to speak. I couldn't find the courage to make words come out.

" Ayy Don't be an asshole. She is not being selfish. You don't get to walk around and say how she gets to feel it's a ridiculous to even try to control it. " Tommy spoke loudly. Why was he defending me. After all I'd done to him. He had no reason to like me. No reason at all.  "Tommy you don't get a say. " he shook his head and Tommy shut up.  I walked away to my room and grabbed my phone and it's charger. 

I didn't care for anything else. Laim  was visiting Puffy so I wasn't worried about him and the cats had food. They were good. I walked down the hallway with my head low.

" where do you think your going " will yelled. 

"  Look, I didn't mean to ruin your life with my problems. It was selfish of me to ask you to be my friend. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't deserve this, none of this. I don't know where to go but I'm not going to be here. I'm really sorry. " I wiped the tears that formed. He finally realized what he said was to  far.

He wasn't the only one in the past week to take his anger out on me. First Tommy met him. It was too heartbreaking to stay. I walked out the door and ran to George, the only one I felt I could trust. I sent him a text.  Saying I was outside. He let me in with open  arms. 

" You don't have to tell me what happened but. You can stay in the guest bedroom next to my room. Dream nor sapnap know that you're here so if they see you don't be surprised if they ask what you're doing here. Also there's some of my smaller clothes on the bed for you to change into. " I nodded and followed. He opened the door and let me in.

"Thank you really" I gave him a smile.  "Don't worry about it, you're like a sister to all of us. Dream will beat the shit out of will if he finds out so be very careful what you tell him. " I nodded. "Night y/n" George left and shut the door. I quickly changed into his clothes. T

hey were big on me but what's okay. He gave me one of his hoodies to keep me warm.  I hear the cat door open and look down. It's patches. She's always with me when I'm here. I don't even bother to lock the door.  I also don't bother to turn on the heat in this room. I turn off the light after I put my wet clothes in the clothes basket where they belong.

I got into bed and covered my self in the blanket. I plugged in my phone. I put it in a zip lock bag so it would get soaked on the way here along with the plug.  My phone on mute for the night.

Patches snuggles into me. She's always been nice to me. Unlike most people she runs from. She actually runs to me instead. I slowly drifted off to sleep.  Patches by my side.