Happy Little Phil, Take Dan Away // Phan

Part Three

Phil's POV

I felt pain in my head when I woke up and I sat up, putting my head in my hands.

What happened last night? The last thing I remembered was talking to PJ.

I looked around; I was in my room, on my bed. Who brought me here? This was one of the many reasons why I never drink so much. The main reason was because of the hangover and headaches....

And the vomiting.

I got up and ran to the washroom.

After throwing up and brushing my teeth, I went to look for Dan.

"Dan?" I called but got no answer.

I walked to his room and knocked the door which was closed.

"Dan?" I said softly. "Are you okay?"

I heard a sob and I opened the door.

Dan's POV

*The night before- the party*

He was kissing me. Phil Lester was kissing me. The boy I had a massive crush on, the boy I would do anything for, the boy I wanted to spent the rest of my life with.

Phil parted his lips from mine and I wanted to bring them back onto mine but he was drunk and I didn't want to seem like I was taking advantage of him.

"Your lips are so soft." Phil smiled and I resisted the urge to kiss him again.

I grabbed his arm again and this time I made sure he followed me towards the door.

"Dan? Phil?" It was PJ.

"Hey, uh, we were just leaving." I said as casually as I could.

"Oh. Alright then, night."

I got us a taxi and we headed home.

Phil fell asleep as soon as he got into the taxi and I was left alone with my thoughts once again.

He kissed me, though. Did that mean something? Or was is just because of the alcohol?

My thoughts just confused me even more and I was relieved when the car came to a stop in front of our place.

I carried Phil inside and took him to his room, gently placing him on his bed and pulling his covers on top of his body. I've seen him asleep many times but he just looked so beautiful and peaceful and it made me happy.

I placed a kiss on his head then left, closing the doer behind me.

My mind was blank for a few seconds but when I reached my room and closed the door, I fell to the ground and covered my face. My thoughts consumed me, I was lost, I wanted to cry.

My thoughts weren't just about Phil anymore, they were about my life, what it was, what it used to be, what it was gonna be. I was overthinking again and I was starting to feel the way I haven't felt in so long. I was having those moments were you're thinking about one thing and that one thing leads to another and another and it just becomes a big cloud of thoughts.

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. I felt weak and sad and I just wanted to break down and cry but at the same time I wanted to just break something, anything, everything.

No... No, not again. Please no more, I don't want to go through that again. I thought to myself.

I was getting myself into a mess again, the mess I though I was over with. Depression.

It all started when I was 12. I was happy, I guess but when I was alone, that's when the bullies would come up and start bothering me. It lasted for about a year then they seemed to have gotten bored of me and moved on but I couldn't get over it. All the things they called me, everything they had said about me, I count stop thinking about it and I had become depressed.

I had never gotten to the part where I would physically start hurting myself but I would mentally hurt myself for everything I did. I would punish myself by not eating or I would force myself to stay locked up in my room for hours, days even.

I had also developed anxiety, insomnia and an eating disorder as weeks as moths went by. My life was a complete mess.

Then I found YouTube and that's when I met Phil. He was like any other youtuber, but there was something about him that made me want to get his attention. And I surprisingly did.

We became friends, skyping for hours, texting, me watching his videos and telling him my favourite ones. I had started to eat again and get more sleep and even my depression was starting fade a little. I had also developed a small crush on him but it didn't matter much at the time.

Then Phil had convinced me to make a YouTube channel and video of my own, so I did. We met up a few times and time passed and we had decided to move in together. I think that's when I became happy again and it didn't look like there had been anything wrong with me.

Until now.

I got up and sat on my bed, still thinking and overthinking things. I didn't realize how long I had been doing that for but I heard a knock on my door a while later and I looked at it.

"Dan? Are you okay?" Phil.

I didn't know how long I had been holding it in for but I suddenly started crying.

The door opened and Phil came in, sitting beside me. I tried to stop crying but I only cried more when I tried.

"Dan, what happened?" Phil pulled into his arm and hugged me. I couldn't help but hide my face in the crook of his neck and hug him back.

I stayed quiet, not answering his question. What was I supposed to say? Did he even remember what happened last night?

"Do... do you remember anything from last night?" I asked him slowly and quietly.

"No, I honestly don't. The last thing I remember is talking to Peej. Why?" Phil replied.

I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing. Of course he didn't remember. He was drunk. He wouldn't have done it if he wasn't.

I shook my head. There was no point in telling him.

***

A/N: yay two updates in less than 24 hours!.. I think.

I felt like updating so here it is! I am currently sitting on my bed, watching Mean Girls for the 1000th time because my grandma says she's never seen it before -.- lies.

Anyways HAPPY EASTER!!!

Byyeeee cx