Happy Little Phil, Take Dan Away // Phan

Part twenty-six

Phil's POV

I was so stupid. I knew Dan had gone through depression and loads of other mental illnesses. How could I have been so stupid to let him go home alone?

But how could I be so stupid to let him go? I loved Dan, I loved him so much. I was afraid of what could happen if we got back together but thinking about it now, who cares? As long as we were together and in love.

God Phil, you're so stupid.

I had left my parents' house to go to the place Dan and I owned, the place I loved and belonged in. My parents were clueless but I didn't care. I could explain later but right now, I need to make sure Dan was okay. I hope he was okay.

I made it to our place only to be greeted by many polices and their cars.

"We can't let you go through." A cop said, refusing to let me go inside.

"I live here." I stated.

"Name?"

"Phil Lester. I called. I live here. I want to see Dan Howell." I crossed my arms.

"He isn't here, he was taken to the hospital half an hour ago but we found this." he handed me a piece of paper and I gave him a quiet "thank you" before walking back outside and to the car and reading the letter.

To whoever is reading this,
Tell my family I love them and I'm sorry. Tell PJ Liguori and Chris Kendall that they were my best friends and I never did mean for this to happen. Tell Phil Lester that is isn't his fault and it was going to happen anyways. And tell him I love him. I'm sorry this happened.
Dan.

I folded up the paper and put it in my pocket, feeling guilty as my eyes filled with tears.

I got into the car and drove to PJ and Chris' place.

"Phil!" Chris exclaimed and hugged me.

PJ ran to me and hugged me as well but then took a good look at me.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Dan... Dan's in the hospital." I forced myself to say and they both stared at me wide-eyed.

"Let's go see him!" Chris said and we all got into the car.

I drove to the nearest hospital, hoping he was there.

"Patients name?" A nurse at the front desk asked us.

"P- no, Dan Howell, sorry." I said, getting mixed up with my own words.

"Ah. You three are going to have to take a seat, he's currently in the emergency room." She said and I sighed, walking away.

"Phil, what's happening?" Chris asked me and I hear PJ whisper a "thanks" to the nurse and I felt rude.

"I- he- fuck. Ok. Dan... this is so hard to explain." I groaned as PJ walked to us and lead us to the waiting room.

"We need to know. We're lost right now." Chris gave me a sympathetic look and I nodded.

"Ok. Right. Dan came to my parents place and I'm guessing you know that since he used your car. We talked, he explained everything and I realized he wasn't lying to me or cheating on me. He told me to come back home but I... I was being so stupid. I told him no. I told him that we weren't mean to be and that we weren't going to be together. He got upset and left but said something that kind of left me thinking. He said he was giving up. Guys, Dan was depressed and he told me but I had forgotten at that moment. I noticed afterwards what he probably meant so I called the police and he did it. He attempted to commit suicide. I don't know if he's alive but I hope he is."