The reason that keeps me alive - BokuAka [English Version]

Chapter 5

Just as Akaashi put his mobile phone aside and opened his notebook to study, he heard the front door downstairs slam shut.
 
The sound put him in a state of panic for a brief moment, and he felt like he couldn't move while his heart beat faster and faster. He clasped his hands together, praying that his fear would not turn into a fact.
And then the door was opened.
 
"Keiji." Akaashi turned slowly to his father.
"Yes?"
"Why aren't you always as damn calm as you were just now?" He didn't dare avert his gaze, at the same time afraid his stare might make him angry.
"I...uh..."
"Well?"
The one second he looked to the side was too much - his cheek was burning.
"How can you be so stupid?" His father took Akaashi's chin between his fingers and examined his face. "I always thought you only inherited your stupid face from your mother. But I should have known that her stupidity was also passed on to you." He let go of his chin.
 
There was a rage inside Akaashi. There was fear, his pulse, his heart, his thoughts racing wildly, the feelings from earlier coming up, everything running haywire.
 
He was right. What am I worth?
 
His pulse calmed as his father walked towards the door. "You'll never amount to anything if you go on like this. You'll be left behind. It doesn't matter if it's in school or volleyball. There are plenty better than you who are more deserving of a place at university, remember that." He closed the door and the air he had been holding for two minutes escaped from Akaashi's mouth.
 
He's right. There are better ones.
 
He felt the heat surge through his body, the air being pulled from his body just as quickly as he had just exhaled it, his hands shaking, his vision blurred.
 
Just think of the others.
 
Akaashi tried to get up to reach the bottle of water that sat on his bedside table.
 
Useless.
 
He stumbled, trying to breathe regularly.
 
They deserve a better setter.
 
Akaashi sank to the floor, propped himself up with his hands.
 
What are you?
 
His elbows supported his weight as he fell on them.
 
What is your life already?
 
Akaashi fell to the floor, his face on the carpet that lay in front of his bed.
 
Just think of Bokuto.
 
He raised his head. His breathing became a little calmer. Slowly he picked himself up, took the water bottle and drank, leaning against his desk.
Maybe it wasn't Bokuto who was keeping a secret.
 
 
 
Akaashi had the hood over his head, his gaze fixed out the window.
"AKAASHII!!!" Bokuto dropped into the seat next to him. "How are you?"
The black-haired boy did not avert his eyes. "Fine," he lied. "You?"
Bokuto rummaged around in his pocket. "You know, I was looking around a bit yesterday, looking for stuff and all."
"Your descriptions are getting better and better."
Through the reflection on the glass, he realised that Bokuto was smiling. "I actually found an animation of a giant dino – I have to show you."
"Dinos are generally huge."
"You know what I mean, Kaashi."
Akaashi played around with the zip of his jacket. "Bokuto?" He turned merely a little towards him so he couldn't see his flushed cheek from the morning.
"Yes?" He was still looking, probably for his mobile phone that he'd given somewhere he wouldn't find until he got to training camp.
"What did you mean-"
"Is everyone there?" the coach asked.
Konoha stood up at the front, looked around the bus once, and nodded. "All there."
"Good, then we're ready to go."
 
"What were you going to ask?" inquired Bokuto.
"I wanted to ask what you and Ko-"
"Boys, are you all buckled up?", Shirofuku shouted through the bus.
When everyone shouted yes, she sat down next to Suzumeda again.
 
Akaashi tried again. "What exactly happened yesterday-"
"Ey, Akaashi, I've got an idea for a tactic. You want to maybe go over it later?", Konoha asked.
Akaashi narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Sure," he muttered. All this time he had felt Bokuto's questioning gaze on him.
 
"Akaashi?" He looked to him. "What did you want to ask?"
Akaashi waved it off. "Never mind. Not that important."
 
 
 
Barely half an hour later, his mobile vibrated.
 
Kenma
Kuroo just took my console.
                           9:23

Akaashi
You probably did nothing but
play with it again.
                            9:23

Kenma
Could you maybe help me
in some way?
                               9:23
 
Kenma
By the way I had to explain
everything to Lev five times.
So yeah, I did something else too.
                                 9:24

Akaashi
Hold out the two hours without it,
then Kuroo will hang out with
Bokuto anyway.
                               9:24

Kenma
Easier said than done.
                          9:24
 
Kenma
Why don't you ask your friend to
convince his buddy that it wasn't a
good idea to take my console?
                                9:24
 
Akaashi looked at Bokuto, who was fast asleep beside him. A little smile escaped his mouth and he forgot about his cheek, which was still burning a little, as well as the pain of last evening.
 
Yes, he had a secret, several in fact, and no one knew about any of them.
 
At least none of the people who were on that bus at that moment.