The reason that keeps me alive - BokuAka [English Version]

Chapter 24

A few days later

Where it had stopped, it started again.

These voices echoed through his head, always and everywhere, and by now he was hurting himself not just every few days, but every day.
And not just once.

As soon as something didn't work, he panicked and saw no other solution, he kept dreaming about his father finding him and Akaashi felt like he was falling more and more into this dark canyon and seeing less and less light.

He had reached the point where he no longer wanted to sleep for fear that these nightmares would come back.
But he didn't speak to anyone, after training he went straight to his room.
In the morning, he covered his dark circles with make-up and the fact that he always wore long sleeves, even during training, was not really noticeable.

But Bokuto had this hunch that something was wrong with him.

That day, Akaashi was on his way home when he saw a child sliding down the slide in the distance in the park he was passing.

"Dad!!! Did you see that?"
The father laughed as he lifted his little one. "Of course I did."

Akaashi continued on his way.
He had never had anything like this.
He had never been able to laugh like this when he had been this old.
His life had always consisted of not talking too much, lest he get a beating or be locked in the dark room.

Increasingly, he was plagued by a guilty conscience because he still hadn't told his mother, who cared for him so carefully, the truth about himself.

Akaashi put his head back and closed his eyes, breathing in the cool evening air.

He was still unsure about how the two of them would take it, but at the same time he felt as if he didn't have that much time to lose.

Thoughtfully, he sat down on a rock hanging over a small stream and watched the tingling water.

Something had already been on his mind for the last few days, even if he didn't want to admit it.
Who knows what would happen then.
But still, the feeling crept over him that there was no other way out of this situation.

The thing was, there was one big reason why he still wanted to live: Bokuto.
Akaashi was happy with him and he knew that he would never be able to cope if he were suddenly gone.
And what about his mother?
She had never gotten over the loss of her first child...

On the other hand, there were so many reasons that literally robbed him of sleep and made his life hell every day.

His mobile phone vibrated in his pocket.
He was briefly blinded by the bright display light when he switched it on.

Mom
Hey, what time are you
Home today?
                          19:03

Akaashi was startled when he saw how late it was.

Akaashi
On my way.
10 minutes.
19:04

Arriving home, he already smelled the aroma of his favourite meal.
Silently he went into the kitchen.

„You love that, don’t you?“
Akaashi nodded.

„Is everything okay?“ asked Kuroda, looking up from his paper. „You seem so glum.“

The setter put on a fake smile. „I’m fine. The training was just exhausting.“

His mother looked at him sceptically. „You know you can talk to us about anything,“ she said, „we’re here for you.“