Things Agents of Shield are Not Allowed to Do

31-36

31 You will not create false emergency situations just to get Thor to come over.

31a. You will not tell Thor he has invisible alien blood on his clothes that is possibly deadly to him just to get him to take his clothes off.

31b You will stop contacting Thor altogether and explain to Coulson how you come to have contact information for Thor in the first place.

32 Do not say "The only reason you're upset is because May agrees that Thor is dreamy and was drooling over Thor just as much is me" to Coulson.

Even if it's true.

33 Not allowed to try and use cookies to bribe government officials.

34 "Admit you love us really" is probably not the best thing to say to the Hydra agent trying to kill you.

35 You will not whine until May reads you a bedtime story.

35a Not allowed to dare someone in the first place to whine until May reads you a bedtime story.

35b How you actually managed to convince her to read you a story will probably forever remain a mystery.

36 Stop making bizarre threats to people who are trying to kill you.

Example: "When this over I'm going to break into your house and draw smiley faces on the walls".
This does nothing to scare the person and makes them want to kill you even more.