The Malfoy Affair

A Hard Pill To Swallow

Renn's pov

After about an hour of reading about the final unforgivable curse I decided that I needed a bit of a break. I could hardly concentrate on what I was reading thanks to Lucius so I really wasn't retaining anything.

My mind just won't stop wandering back to what just happened an hour ago and everything that's to come over the next few months. I knew I was an anxious person but all of the secrets and stress put on me was definitely starting to get to me.

I carefully closed the book and started taking some deep breaths as I could feel some anxiety start to set in. My stomach started turning and my heart rate was rapidly increasing as I thought about the inevitable outcome of mine and Lucius' sexual relationship and all the people we were going to cause pain to.

"Is your mind wandering little pet ?" I peeled my eyes open and stared at Lucius who was looking back at me with a quizzical expression.

"I'm sorry sir, I'm just still having a hard time accepting everything that's going to happen and has happened so far. It's hard to concentrate." I said as I  placed the heavy book on the couch cushion next to me.

Lucius paused for a moment assumably pondering what he was about to say while placing his hands on his desk, crossing them before answering me.

"Well I can't really assist you with what's going to come our way but we can have a conversation about what just happened...I suppose.' I looked at him with wide eyes shocked at his willingness to talk about it. 'Don't look so surprised I know you don't have much experience when it comes to what we just did so I'm sure you have questions. Besides there is still more rules we need to go over." My eyes followed him while he pushed himself up from his desk chair and walked over to the empty leather arm chair in front of me across a glass coffee table filled with newspapers and a few mint scented candles.

I shifted my body so I was facing him fully taking in his somewhat disheveled appearance from our earlier indiscretions as he watched me with stoic eyes.

"Listen Renn, I want to make something clear to you. We are both very important to the Dark Lord right now. I think you're an attractive girl-' He explained slowly while his eyes looked me up and down which made my breath hitch in my throat. '-however I need to make it known that I'm only doing this because the Dark Lord has requested it. There is no romantic feelings involved on my part and I hope you're a smart enough girl to not have any of those feelings towards me." My heart stopped at those words but I mean what else was I expecting from him of course he's only agreed to this because he would do anything for the Dark Lord. That's the only reason I agreed to it as well but hearing those words after what we just did still kind of stings.

"Sir, I understand where you're coming from of course. I don't have romantic feelings towards you. That's not what I meant. I just feel bad about this whole situation because of Draco and Narcissa. I guess it's more guilt than anything. I know I don't have a choice in the matter but it's causing me to have a moral dilemma." I managed to ramble that out while Lucius looked away from my eyes for a brief moment moment. I noticed he gripped his cane tighter when I mentioned his wife and son. Lucius is a cold man but I knew he felt an ounce of guilt as well.

"Renn you need to just put everyone else out of your head right now. What's done is done at this point. Not to mention if this is what's causing you a moral dilemma but killing your headmaster didn't I would be far more concerned about that then this situation." I stared at him in shock at his lack of remorse not only to what we just did. What we've been doing. But also the fact that he just threw the whole Dumbledore situation in my face like I had a choice in the matter. Not to mention I spared his son the guilt of having to take his headmasters life away.