The Mess We Made

Turn of the Knife

Veronica and Reina were cutting through the park on their walk back from dinner. The air was cold and it was late enough that they were mostly alone outside. The occasional lamppost scattered through the park gave off just enough light for them to see the ground in front of them. It was the kind of walk at night where it felt nice until the realization of being two girls alone at night hit and it's a reminder that the world isn't safe.

When bright headlights blinded them head on Veronica grabbed Reina's hand and pulled her to the side. As it got closer, they saw a golf cart with obnoxious, whooping frat boys zoom through. Reina wrinkled her nose and Veronica rolled her eyes.

They continued their walk home and Reina kept her hand in Veronica's. They held hands the rest of the walk home and Veronica hated how such a simple thing made butterflies erupt in her stomach. She wanted to squeeze Reina's hand tighter. She wanted to throw up. It was uncomfortable. It was everything.

Just outside their apartment under the hazy orange streetlight was another figure. Reina dropped Veronica's hand, and a second later Veronica recognized Baltimore.

In that moment for some reason Veronica was suddenly reminded of Ashley and the first time they held hands on the walk back to Ashley's place. The scene was such a stark contrast it hurt.

Reina flocked to Baltimore's side, engaging in private conversation and didn't even tell Veronica what he was doing there. Reasonably, Veronica knew she wasn't owed an explanation for why Reina's boyfriend came over again. But Baltimore's laugh grated on her nerves. His footsteps alongside hers on the stairway up to their apartment rankled her. When he made himself at home and Reina pulled him down into the couch with her, Veronica stomped to their room to get herself ready for bed.

Veronica could hear Reina's voice through the door, "I don't know, you know how Veronica gets."

Veronica caught muffled snippets of the couple outside talking about her like she was a hermit who liked to hide away in her room instead of socializing.

The conversation made Veronica fume. It was unreasonable, Veronica knew that, could repeat it to herself like a mantra over and over again. She couldn't even put a good enough label on her feelings. Anger? Jealousy? Annoyance? Dislike? Nothing had happened tonight that hadn't happened before. But in that moment Veronica felt like the night had been ruined.

By the time Baltimore left Veronica was in a sour mood. Reina picked up on it but as always tactlessly decided to poke the bear.

"Why are you so pissy right now?"

Veronica knew Reina expected her to snap back at her, so she snapped.

"You didn't have to talk about me like that to Baltimore, like I wasn't even there. You didn't have to act like holding hands was a crime."

"What? I wasn't, obviously I was going to drop your hand when my boyfriend came so I could hold his instead. Isn't that the reasonable thing to do?"

"That's not what it felt like. You ignored me afterwards, you didn't look at me once and-"

Reina cut her off, ranting, "Why are you being so sensitive all of a sudden? I can't believe you even noticed that. I didn't look at you? You didn't stick around. Do you know how stupid all of this sounds?"

"Oh, you think I'm being stupid?"

"Yeah I do! You're making a big deal out of nothing. Like that's really why you're mad right now? Sorry I was paying attention to my boyfriend? If I wasn't looking at you it wasn't a conscious decision, Jesus Christ. You always come at me for being emotional but look at you now. Caring about a small little thing that never bothered you before. You're overreacting. You've been a closeted secret your whole life,  is this any different now?"

Fighting with Reina was always hell. One con to having known each other their whole lives was the two of them knew where they could make it hurt. Unresolved childhood trauma, insecurities, fights from years ago that should've been water under the bridge, both of them brought it all up again in their anger, twisting the bond that tied them together into a weapon that chokes.

Reina must have seen something on Veronica's face because she faltered. Her voice took a one-eighty turn. "Hey," She took a careful step closer like she was trying to get close to an injured, rabid animal.

"I don't wanna fight." Reina took another step, rubbing her hands up and down Veronica's arms, making her shiver. She raised herself on her tiptoes. Reina's lips brushed against Veronica's, "I don't wanna fight."

They were flint and steel, the fire sparked easily. There was barely any time for Veronica to think how this could be something she'd regret.

Before they knew it Reina's lips smashed against Veronica's. Reina's hands went to Veronica's pants button. Veronica's hands ripped open Reina's shirt. They stumbled backwards onto Veronica's bed. Veronica wasn't aware that they were in her bed this time, breaking another unspoken rule she had set up. Reina kept encroaching on Veronica's boundaries, claiming more and more from her.

It was a purely physical act. It was bruising grips and the clack of teeth, hard thrusts and loud cries. It was wrong. Baltimore's spicy cologne still lingered on Reina's edges.

"Veronica," Reina gasped. Veronica, not Vero. All four syllables yanked on Veronica's heartstrings.

It was over as fast as it started. Veronica's chest was heaving when they were done. The two of them didn't even strip completely. Veronica was topless but her bottoms were around her knees. Reina had her bra pulled down over her stomach. It had been fast and messy and rough. Reina traced patterns in the valley of Veronica's chest and her touch burned.

"Can we do a line again?"

Veronica looked at Reina in disbelief. One test run made sense, but doing coke again on a random night for no reason didn't. "Why?"

Reina shrugged one shoulder casually, "I like how it makes me feel."

Reina never did let go of anything that made her feel good. A part of Veronica regretted letting her get hooked on it.

"I don't feel like having a round two high," Veronica tried to argue when Reina moved to straddle on top of Veronica's lap. Veronica hated how her hands went to her hips on instinct.

Reina leaned over to the bedside table, knowing exactly where Veronica hid her baggies. She pulled out the white powder and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Let's see how you feel about that after we actually do coke."

With a cheeky smile, Reina set up a line on Veronica's stomach. After she snorted it up she rolled over and presented her ass with a smirk. Reina was a temptress that lured Veronica into her hedonist lifestyle. Soon their noses were filled with powder. Reina, who knew Veronica better than anyone, ended up being right and they fell into bed again, tangled together. Here they were again. Veronica lost all sense of self, the only thought that took up her head was Reina.

When Veronica woke up alone, the bedroom felt like a crime scene. She looked at the clock and saw she'd only been out for thirty minutes. Yet Reina was nowhere to be found. Veronica threw her arm over her eyes. She didn't need to look down at her naked body to know how Reina claimed her. It was hard to ignore what happened. Reina weaponized her body, used Veronica's feelings against her, manipulated Veronica into forgetting their problems. Veronica shouldn't have been surprised, it was something Reina used to do a lot with her parade of flings. It was something Veronica did, like when she hooked up with Morgan to convince her for free deals. But they weren't supposed to treat each other like everyone else. When did that become their relationship?

Veronica had always excused the cuts Reina caused other people with her sharp edges, until  that knife now turned to her.