The Mess We Made

Epilogue

Reina didn't realize how big campus was until Veronica disappeared from her life. She had a sneaking suspicion that her old friend knew all her habits and therefore avoided any place that Reina might haunt. But she was still surprised that Veronica had managed to make such a clean break and ghost her so well. With the two of them being left behind on campus during winter break, it was impressive that Reina never caught a glimpse of Veronica. 

If Veronica was going out of her way to avoid places the two of them habited, Reina was trying to break old bad habits and build news ones. She shopped at an independent grocery store on the farther side of town where she had to take the bus. She took yoga classes now. She didn't think Veronica wasn't taking yoga classes.

In the new semester Veronica had officially moved out of their apartment. She had left a note on the front door saying she was going to pack up her stuff and that Reina should find a new roommate. Reina didn't have it in her to be angry. These days she was more resigned than anything else. Further proof that Veronica had a sixth sense to avoid Reina was one day she got back home and everything was gone. She had swept in like the hurricane she was but this time left without a trace.

Reina's new roommate was an international grad student studying abroad for the semester. They introduced themselves as Wil, from Wales. A quirky alliteration that was easy to remember. They were tall, with gangly limbs that reminded Reina of a giraffe although she never said that out loud. The two of them were cordial but weren't close. Wil kept to their side of the room, bought their own groceries that Reina never touched, had their own set of dishware. They were always there at night, heads down studying at their desk or sleeping. Reina never minded them. It was good to just have a presence in the place, with someone to pay half the rent. But she missed Veronica. She knew she wasn't supposed to, but she missed her every day.

Reina even dreamed of Veronica sometimes. Sometimes they were nightmares, sometimes they were sweet childhood flashbacks to an innocent time. Sometimes she would wake up, mourning those girls. Reina wanted to go back in time and pinpoint the exact moment it all went wrong. Which split in the road brought them to this reality she lived in now. If she could, she'd take Veronica back to the very first day they met and try to do it all over again.

The day she saw Veronica again felt like a fever dream come true. One month without even seeing her shadow, now here she was. They were both at the Daily Prose and Reina almost lost it at the irony. She still came here like usual, either Veronica was the one who stopped coming, or they somehow by twist of fate never came at the same time. Until now.

Veronica's hair was longer now, curling around her shoulders. Other than that she looked the same. Same clothes, same face. She stood alone, waiting off to the side for her drink. Every muscle in Reina seized. Anxiety spiked in her, but she held her head high and willed herself to not look.

But Reina couldn't help the kaleidoscope of memories that ran through her mind, every flashback of the time her and Veronica spent here. Sharing pastries, piling empty cups of coffee. Studying here late at night until the delirium took over and neither of them could get a word in without erupting in giggles. They had good times together. They had good years together. She wondered if Veronica thought about Reina as much as Reina thought about her. There was no way Veronica could just erase Reina from history. Their roots were intertwined too deeply.

"Ma'am," the barista in front of her interrupted Reina's thoughts, "what would you like to order?"

Reina ordered a lavender latte, something new. She was trying to get in the habit of not having habits. Then she was ushered into the waiting side. Close to Veronica. Reina focused on her breathing, deep breaths in, hold for five seconds, long exhale. She stared down at her shoes to keep herself from glancing at Veronica. Reina wondered if Veronica was doing the same.

"For Vee?" The barista called. Veronica moved forward to grab her order. There were two drinks.

On the way out their eyes met. Reina had to swallow her panic before it made her throw up. But Veronica's eyes softened. Her lips twisted in a small, wistful smile and she jerked her chin up in a small nod to Reina.

Then she was gone. That was it. No words, but there was no hate either. Reina didn't realize how much that relieved her, didn't realize how scared she was that if she were to face Veronica again, there would be malice in those eyes.

But they didn't cause a scene in public. Veronica didn't hate her. She looked good. Reina was good. This meeting didn't mean anything, it wasn't a new beginning between them, but it was better than an ending.

That had to be enough.