The Mess We Made

"You're Kinda Gay"

Veronica couldn't understand how you could spend almost every waking moment with someone for years, and then wake up one morning and see them in a completely different light. A switch in her brain flipped and now every time she looked at Reina, every time she thought about Reina, every time she heard Reina, her heart squeezed. She noticed things about Reina she never noticed before, every small freckle dotting her tan skin, the golden highlights hiding among her brown hair, her crooked smile. She began to get hyperaware of the distance between their bodies every time they were together, every centimeter of skin on skin lit up something in Veronica's head. It was driving her crazy.

Realizing she was in love with her best friend was the worst mistake of her life. She wished she could undo the past twenty-four hours and get to continue her life living in ignorant bliss. But Veronica knew it probably wouldn't have lasted much longer. The seeds were planted some time ago.

Realizing her feelings for Reina also meant realizing how much she hated Baltimore. Before she disliked his homophobia, his disregard for viewing sapphics as legitimate, but didn't mind him. At one point she had even been happy for Reina getting into her first committed relationship. Now Veronica's traitorous, jealous heart viewed Baltimore as a rival, which was stupid for so many reasons, the main one being there was no competition. Baltimore was Reina's boyfriend. Reina was straight.

But Veronica was her best friend, had known her longer, and knew more about Reina than Baltimore could ever hope to know. He didn't even know the touches and kisses they stole. Veronica never wanted to be a homewrecker, but she also once thought she'd never fall for her best friend.

Seeing Baltimore with Reina now bothered Veronica like never before. It made her uncomfortable, made her squeamish, and she wished Reina would stop subjecting her to being the third wheel.

She only voiced it once, casually joking that she was allergic to heterosexuality and that she didn't want to see them all couple-y.

"We're all adults here," Reina had teased from Baltimore's lap. Reina threw Baltimore a smile that made Veronica want to throw up, because she knew that smile. It was Reina's coy "fuck me" grin. It was a grin Reina would give Veronica sometimes.

Veronica never brought it up again. There was no way to explain to Reina why Veronica hated seeing them together so much without revealing that she was in love with her. So she suffered in silence. She tried to avoid the couple if she could, but sometimes she walked into her apartment and there was Baltimore on her couch. Veronica was starting to feel unwelcome in her own home. Veronica wanted to know if Reina really didn't think this was a problem. Did she really feel nothing having Baltimore in the same apartment where they had sex sometimes? Did she ever think twice about how Veronica might feel? Reina had never been known for being empathetic and Veronica never used to fault her for that, she could be just as cold. But every day was getting harder pretending this situation they put themselves in was okay.

It happened again when Veronica opened the door to their apartment and she was greeted by Baltimore's laugh muffled through the wall of the bedroom. Her and Reina's shared bedroom. At this point it was her body's natural reaction to be filled with irritation and slight disgust. It wasn't a rational reaction, but it was instinctive. Veronica didn't understand why Reina had to keep bringing Baltimore over, especially when he lived alone and Reina knew that she shared her bedroom with Veronica. Veronica didn't want to think about them lying in bed, the same bed she sometimes shared with Veronica.

Veronica would rather die than go in her room and see Baltimore and Reina cuddled up together, so she curled up on the couch, scrolling through her phone with a frown. There was the loud sound of a TV show playing in the room and Veronica wondered if the couple was actually watching something or if it was a Netflix and chill situation with the volume up to drown out other sounds. The thought made Veronica's mood worse.