The Mess We Made

"I Like Her"

Veronica loved clubs.

She loved the pounding music making her chest vibrate. She loved the flashing lights. She loved the energy of the crowd, a sweaty cluster of warm bodies. Veronica loved the freedom, clubs gave her its own special high.

Reina was draped over Veronica on a leather bench they managed to steal in a corner near the bar. They were three drinks in at this point, celebrating another round of tests done. Reina pushed her nose into Veronica's neck and Veronica leaned into it, eyes closed, releasing them from their inhibitions. Sometimes when Veronica was a bit more sober, she would feel a pang of guilt for letting Reina get touchy when they were drunk. It was basically hypocritical to get guilty at this point, considering the drunk sex they had and still have, but sometimes Veronica's morals flare up. Still, she couldn't help but accept Reina's affection and reciprocate the clingier she got.

"Round four?" Reina shouted into Veronica's ear. Veronica nodded and pulled them both up to the bar. Reina's arm was wrapped firmly around Veronica's middle.

While they waited at the bar a man pressed next to Veronica's open side. He had a dirty blonde curly mullet, and wore a white muscle shirt and blue jeans. He shot her a playful smirk and Veronica rolled her eyes. Reina untangled herself from Veronica and when she tried to look back at her the man pulled Veronica by her hand to an open spot at the front of the bar.

"Hey my friend-"

The guy ignored her, cutting Veronica off to ask what drink she wanted in a stupid, futile attempt at flirting. Veronica ignored him right back, twisting her body to look back for Reina, but Reina was gone.

Veronica knew Reina wasn't that drunk, and she knew that Reina must have seen the guy pull her away. So Reina willingly left. She didn't try to pull her back, didn't stick around, just left Veronica in a dark corner of the bar with a strange man.

Veronica decided to forget about the drinks and wrenched herself away from the man, from the crowd. She had to swallow the hurt, the slight sting of betrayal that Reina didn't stay by her side. It broke girl code, it broke basic decency to just leave her friend in a situation like that. Veronica never would have left. She was the type to yank her friends away from handsy men and start bar fights, but at the very least she never would have left Reina alone.

How could Reina do that, was the only thought on repeat as Veronica weaved through the crowd trying to find Reina. She pulled out her phone to send a wya text even though she knew there was no signal.

Soon she found Reina right outside the club entrance with a cigarette dangling from her mouth. Reina's eyes caught hers and Reina swooped in to pull Veronica out. Veronica was ready to leave, didn't want to stay in that place with the ghost of that man sending shivers down her back, but there was a seed of resentment growing that Reina didn't ask if she was ready to go. Reina decided that all on her own.

On the walk home Veronica had to work to push her feelings down. She must have been good at hiding the tension, because Reina was oblivious. There was initial silence between them, letting the chatter of fellow club goers, honking cars, and music flooding from open club doors be their soundtrack. Once Reina finished her cigarette she threw it on the ground and stepped on it before starting up a conversation.

"So...how's Ashley?"

The tone was casual, normal, but it put Veronica on edge, something in her warning her to be alert. Veronica rarely talked about the girls she was seeing with Reina, but Ashley had been in the picture long enough for Reina to know about just like she knew about Morgan. Still, Reina didn't usually ask. Usually Veronica was the one to offer some flippant info, a casual explanation of the name and situation, a basic bio about the new girl in her life.

"She's...good? Everything's fine. I like her."

Reina wrinkled her nose, "You like her?"

Veronica frowned, "Yes?"

"That's the first time I've ever heard you say that. I didn't think you were the type to catch feelings honestly. I thought you were going to keep the whole heartless thing going."

Veronica let out a laugh, if only because it was so funny how Reina kept casually stabbing her in the heart. Veronica knew she had the whole heartless, never-going-to-fall-in-love reputation. She knew she played it up, did nothing to dispute it, she even rationally knew that Reina, who sat front row to the revolving door of women exiting Veronica's life, was most qualified to corroborate that yes – Veronica historically acted heartless. None of that stopped the hurt she felt from her best friend, who she was actually in love with, believing Veronica couldn't love.

Reina didn't stop pulling punches either, "I don't know, something about it just seems so fake. You can't honestly expect me to believe that someone like her managed to tie you down and stop you from being a whore."

Fire flooded Veronica's face. She yanked her arm away from Reina and marched away.

Reina staggered after her, "That was dumb, I didn't mean it like-"

"I'm capable of dating-"

"I know you're capable, but I'm just not used to it! It's weird, I don't know if I like it-"

Veronica didn't want to hear Reina's empty excuses. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, "You've forced me to be a third wheel for over a year and you're mad at me for dating? I spent months watching you and Baltimore and I've been fine with it but you can't even pretend to do the same?"

It's a lie, Veronica wasn't fine, but it seemed like she was doing a great job pretending and she felt she deserved the same acting effort from Reina. Veronica tried to ignore the sick thrill that raced through her at the thought that Reina was jealous. But Reina was drunk, she didn't mean it. Even if she did she would never own it. Alcohol was always the convenient excuse on hand.

"I'm not mad, god you always twist things. I just said it's different and I don't know if I like Ashley."

Reina had no right to give her opinion. "Ashley's perfect." Veronica spat. She didn't know why she said that, or if she believed it, but she knew it would be a jab to Reina.

And it was. Reina shut her mouth, hurt, confusion flashed on her face for a second before she pursed her lips and turned away, continuing her drunk walk home. Veronica let out a long, frustrated breath, tried to air out all her frustrations with it since the argument was decidedly over. She was getting tired of Reina pulling her along like this.

They didn't talk again for the rest of the night. Not in the uber home, not on the walk up to their apartment, not as they got ready for bed. Usually on nights like this, Veronica was only slightly ashamed to admit it usually ended up with them naked in bed together. But this time, they fell asleep in their own beds. And Veronica had never felt that lonely with Reina in the room before.