The Mess We Made

Please Don't Take Her Away from Me

When Ashley opened the door Reina knew the fury on her face was clear. Ashley's eyes widened in surprise but she took a wordless step back to let Reina in. Reina hated the girl in front of her so much, like she never hated anyone before.

"If you're gonna try and fight me, I can't fight so it'd be an uneven match. Also I don't think Vee would appreciate it."

"Fuck you," Reina hissed, "fuck you and your smart mouth, you turned my best friend against me."

Ashley's face was a mix of pity and annoyance, and Reina really did want to smack the expression off her face. But she knew if she did that would just push Veronica closer into Ashley's arms.

"I'm not the problem in your relationship."

Reina tilted her chin up, voice venomously dripping with defiance. "She's in love with me you know."

Ashley nodded somberly, "I know. I knew before you."

In the face of someone so solemn, someone who didn't push back when Reina lashed out like she was used to, the last pieces of her resolve crumbled. Reina fell to her knees, sobbing into her hands. She's cried more in the past twenty-four hours than she had in her entire life.

"Please, don't take her away from me."

Maybe her breakdown was overdramatic, but something about this fight this time felt final. It felt serious, but it couldn't be. It wasn't allowed to be. Life without Veronica was incomprehensible. She was the only stable thing Reina had in her life. Veronica's words from their fight echoed in her head, how their relationship was too codependent, based more on clinging to the past than actually loving each other. But that had to be a kind of love? You don't choose your family, but there's history tying you together and it's enough. It means something.

"I'm not taking her away from you, Vee's choosing herself. She's choosing to not get hurt."

"I would never hurt her," a lie maybe, but Reina argued nonetheless.

"You don't have to, she uses you to hurt herself."

Reina had no response to that. She just sobbed harder while Ashley looked down at her like a stern mother who had to let their child cry so they understood the consequences of their actions. It was a sad, pathetic scene.

"Don't you think some time apart to take a step back and examine your relationship will eventually be a good thing?"

"She won't come back," Reina whispered, choking on her sobs, "If Veronica steps back to look at everything we are, she'll realize how fucked up I am. She'll leave for good."

The dragged out truth Reina didn't even realize she held inside her is the culmination of everything Reina experience in her life. It was clear to her now that this was something she always feared, that one day Veronica would wake up, realize that being a broken pair with Reina was something she no longer wanted, and then Reina would be discarded.

"If that's what you think, then that's an even bigger reason for you two to stop whatever it is y'all are doing. You really want her stuck with you knowing you're not good for each other?"

Yes, Reina thought, because she had always been selfish. She might not be good for Veronica, but Veronica was good for her. Veronica made her feel, she took away the loneliness, and Reina wanted her stuck with her.

Reina's desperation cut through to make one thing clear – Reina would rather have Veronica in pain with her than have Veronica leave her. Because Reina needed  Veronica more than she loved her. She kept the thought to herself, would never say it to the traitorous girl towering over her like she was better than Reina.