The Girl Glader (Updated, edited and revised version)

NEWT POV

I watch as y/n stumbles away, angry at myself that I am the reason for that. I wish she had let Tommy keep yelling at me. I would have loved if he punched me in the face. I deserve that and so much more. After she is out of sight, I turn back and push my food away from me, unable to eat. How can I, after making the kindest, most caring, most amazing person on Earth who deserves the world, feel like nobody cared about her? Like she could die and it wouldn't matter, when in fact, it would hurt us all? If she died tomorrow, I would jump off that bloody wall, or stab myself with a bloody knife, knowing that the one I love most in the world, died thinking I hated her and hating me because of it. I stand up, wanting to get away from all the stares of the other Gladers. Alby gets up and grabs another bowl of stew and a cup of water, making his way towards the Homestead, where y/n is. He makes eye contact with me as he does and his look seems to tell me to follow him, so I do. We start walking towards the Homestead, but once I feel I am close enough to it, I stop and so does Alby, but only for a moment.

"Wait here." He tells me. "I'm going to give this to y/n and then you and I are going to have a little chat." He turns and walks away. I stand there, more anger coursing through my veins. I am a terrible, terrible person. But she defended me and stopped Tommy from attacking me, so maybe she forgives me? I understand if she doesn't though, I was awful to her and she didn't deserve it. I was angry about Ben and I took it out on her. I broke her heart. I ruined everything. I see Alby coming back so I quickly wipe my tears and stand up straighter, I don't know why though.

"How could you do that? To her, of all people?" He whisper yells, which is scarier than his actual yelling. "Man, you screwed up, big time."

"I know! I didn't mean to say it! It just-i was angry about Ben and..." I trail off, unable to finish my sentence.

"I thought you loved her?"

"I do! That's why it hurts so much because I-i didn't mean any of it."

"You know, you better fix this. Because right now, she is the only one giving anyone hope. I know that there isn't a way out but somehow, she brings me hope. And she brings everybody else hope too. So fix this, as soon as possible." He tells me, as my voice gets caught in my throat. He walks away, leaving me there alone, with my anger, pain and guilt. It's my fault that she won't relax and won't eat or drink. If she dies, it will be my fault. I have to fix this.

Making my way to the Homestead, I practice what I am going to say, my hands shaking, heart pounding, tears pricking my eyes. When I get there, I see her sleeping on the floor, slightly shaking, though whether it was because she was cold or just trembling, I'm not sure. I grab a blanket and drape it over her, not wanting to wake her up. I let a tear slip from my eye before making my way to my own room, knowing I won't be getting any sleep tonight.