train wreck ✓

sixty-three.

my hands came to rest on the sides of his face, turning him so he was looking at me. i rubbed down his neck and shoulders, pushing air out of his face as i tried to provide comfort, "it is not your fault, miles," but his gaze was on the withering sun, not me as i tried to attract his attention, his mind elsewhere, "babe... look at me."

he still hadn't glanced my way as he started shutting me out, burying himself in self-hate, "it's not your fault, okay? you can't save someone who won't help themselves, yeah?" i was trying to get him to agree or at least listen but convincing him was like talking a brick wall, "you've gone through a lot of shit, mostly the shit you've put yourself through, and you don't deserve it."

and then he spoke, voice almost dead silent in the chill of the autumn air, "i don't help myself."

"what?"

and the pure curiosity in his eyes when he looked at me indicated that he'd been listening, "you said you can't save someone who doesn't help themselves. i don't help myself."

i couldn't help but smile, "but you want to."