☁︎︎❥𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗲, 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝘁|⌫ - 𝘗𝘦𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘉𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘈𝘜

Something happy

This is the 28th chapter, poggers
I like the number 28 so I'll write something happy.
:)

Tw: Abuse don't worry it'll make sense with the happy

General POV:

"Tommy's really taking 'I'm in Love With an E-girl' to heart." Ranboo's voice saying the phrase echoed in Allister's head.

She knew it was a joke. She knew Ranboo meant it in good fun. But that didn't change the fact it was keeping her up at night.

Now that every distraction had been removed from her life that could keep her from actually focusing on her feelings she realized how alone she felt.

It had been 4 weeks since Allister had seen Tommy last, and she felt like shit. She knew that he had a vlog planned, and she should go, and she should hang out with him, but something felt like it was keeping her back.

And that was her being self destructive. She knew she'd do this at some point, where her life starts going so well and she needs to fuck it up for herself.

Like I'd mentioned before, Allister didn't deem herself worthy of love. Nothing had really triggered this in her life, not that she'd known of.

But now, despite her knowing she liked Tommy, and being quite sure he liked her too, she knew what had triggered that.

Allister knew what she'd experienced throughout her life was neglect and emotional abuse. And self destructive tendencies were a coping mechanism for neglect and abuse. Taking her life down to what she's used to at home, despite how hard she'd tried to escape that.

Sure, therapy was probably something she should get.

"Allister? You alright? It's 11 am." Ranboo's voice cut through the depressing thoughts.

*^*

"Allister? You've been really distant. Did you take your medication?" Ranboo asked.

Allister gave a weak nod. "Bad day."

Concern was evident in her friend's face. "Well, Tommy's vlog is on Wednesday."

"When's that again?"

"Allister, are you sure you're alright?"

*^*
A/n: guys I promise it's happy it has to get worse before it gets better I promise

It's Tuesday now. It wasn't when Ranboo told her Tommy's vlog was on Wednesday. That was Monday. It's 4 am now.

Allister hadn't been able to sleep at all. She kept trying to think of excuses to not go to Tommy's vlog. She couldn't think of any. She just didn't want to.

She wasn't crying, no, she wasn't sad, she just didn't want to be close to Tommy. She cared about him too much to risk hurting him, cause that's all she'd end up doing. She needed to cut ties with him before it was too late.

But she wouldn't. Sometimes, the risk of hurting your loved ones is better than leaving them with no trace of someone they once cared for, maybe still did.

And deep down, she knew that. Allister knew that the concern Ranboo had been showing was genuine, not fake concern to make her trust him, like Landon had done. She knew the constant invites to go and do stuff from Toby was to make her feel better, not just because he was bored.

And she knew, with all her being, that Tommy cared about her. She wasn't going to hurt him the way she did at the lake.

That, leaving him so selfishly, was the only true way she could fuck up her friendship with Tommy.