Blossom - A poyhaz story

12. bölüm

Hi, everyone! This is an extra long chapter and I was very happy and soft writing it so I hope you enjoy it as much 😙 Leave your votes and comments, please!

39 weeks pregnant

She had started to hate the fact that the house had so many stairs. She felt that one day she would trip and fall rolling down them like the huge wrecking ball she felt she had become. It had been one week since she had left work -since Poyraz had forced her to do it- and she was bored to death. Deep down, she knew that he was right, that she had to slow down: as time passed, she felt more and more tired, everything was harder for her, even just moving around that big baby bump. However, she was one of those people that felt useless whenever they weren't active so she was kind of holding a grudge against him.

She was clearly not in her best moment. Of course, like any other mother-to-be, she had had insecurities throughout her pregnancy. Sometimes it was just the overwhelming notion that she would be and feel responsible for a human being for the rest of her life; other times, when she wasn't feeling alright physically and she realised that it was because she was creating a life inside of her, she stressed out thinking about how everything would change, how that child would be dependent of her and she wouldn't be allowed to be ill... Those kinds of things. Luckily, those asphyxiating thoughts weren't that frequent so the past few months had been quite peaceful for her.

She had recently come to the conclusion, though, that it was because she had been living in her own bubble - an unrealistic one. Rekindling her relationship with Poyraz, marrying him, deciding to spend the rest of their lives together and forming a family... all of it had felt like a fairytale that she had completely embraced. Before discovering she was pregnant, she had always thought she would want to have kids, Poyraz and her had even discussed it when they first dated and she was sure that, if she had children, she wanted them to be his. However, that desire of being a mother had always been a vague idea for her and falling in love with Poyraz hadn't made her want to rush things in that aspect.

When she found out she was pregnant, it was a shock mostly because Poyraz and her had parted their ways dramatically. Despite the difficult situation, she had strangely decided very quickly that she wanted to keep the baby. Looking back, she had reflected, it had been a mix of that inherent desire of hers finally coming to the surface, the urge -hidden in the back of her mind for years- of having a family of her own so that she could fill the void that the death of her father and the carelessness of her mother had inevitably led her to, but, most of all, her love for Poyraz. She was hurt by his words and their brutal separation but she still loved him and she knew in her heart that she wanted to have a part of him with her forever, even though it could be heartbreaking not to have Poyraz himself. Her love for Poyraz had consequently made her keep that baby and then knowing the love Poyraz felt for her and the baby in return had made her be naive about her future motherhood. The spell had broken in the last few weeks and now she found herself regretting her self-indulgence. She was angry with herself and having so much free time those last days wasn't helping with her overthinking and moodiness.

Poyraz was still working, trying to teach Alper everything he needed to know about running the hotel -anxious for his part at the constant thought that the baby could arrive any moment now- so she was alone for a lot of hours. It was hard for her to even do things like cleaning the house because her range of movement was limited so she had been entertaining herself by going for walks and visiting her friends and family in order to get out the house and don't feel the walls caving in on her. Sadly, she was getting sicked of that too, so at that point the only thing she wanted to do was to finally get the baby out of her body and see if her mood changed at the new perspective of her life as a mom and a caretaker.