Where's Tori

Chapter 17 - Finally the answer

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Where's Tori.

Chapter 17 - Finally the answer.

Jade's POV

It's been almost 7 months since that first session with Dr. Dana. Although very skeptical at first, I have to admit she's done wonders with Tori, not to mention myself. It was hard in those sessions sometimes, very hard. With care and over a good many sessions, she got Tori to tell her whole story. She wisely had Tori tell the story in small parts. She would have Tori talk about an aspect of her captivity and we would work on how to cope with its negative effects.

Still, it was hard, just having to hear how he violated my Tori, over and over. The story of how he raped her the first day he took her, was hardest of all. We were in therapy just over a month when she had Tori talk about that. I was amazed how she could calmly sit there and tell her story. Though about 2/3' of the way through it she simply broke down in long painful sobs. I tried everything I could, to try and keep it together for Tori while she told the story. I needed to comfort her and stay strong for her. I didn't last long, before crying myself.

Though she hadn't said it up to this point, she truly was afraid that I wouldn't want her anymore. Deep down she was terrified that I would reject her as she had been despoiled, so to speak. Even though I had reassured her a hundred times before that revelation came out, it still was very much a fear for her. That after sleeping with her, I would reject her like a body rejects an organ as not compatible. The doctor said at that point some fears, like plants, can have very deep roots. Pulling them out completely can take time and effort.

There were other issues of course, but that was one of Tori's most formable ones. There was of course my own issues, I needed to deal with. I've managed to stay sober and have slowly been working out my issues. Some of my fears were almost the same as Tori. My fear that she wouldn't want me anymore. Slowly I've been coming to terms with my guilt and anger.

Neither of us is out of the woods yet, not by a longshot. She still has nightmares, at least one to two a week. That's a significant improvement over nearly every night. The doctor tells me they may never go away completely. We haven't made love yet. Over frequent years of abuse and rape, she's gotten very afraid of sex. It had become something horribly unpleasant in that time. My reaction to sex was just the opposite; though I craved it constantly, it eventually became a meaningless and hollow thing.

She wants to be with me I can feel it, but she isn't ready. I told her that when you're ready just to let me know. I still call her Vega the majority of the time, but one day when Tori was using the bathroom during a session Dana suggested I start calling her Lover. Just as a playful pet name, to help her identify herself as being your lover again. It would build up her confidence at the same time.

Off the subject of us, I read the book as the Dr. had suggested. Turns out it was a real good book and since it helped Tori so much, I decided to make it my next directing job. Next year I will be producing and directing an adaptation of One day in the life of Ivan Denisovich. I've wanted to direct a serious drama in any case. My first directing credit was a horror film and it did great. I want to surprise people by going in a totally different direction. I'm going to film in Russia next summer, but will be sure to take Tori and little Jade along. We'll make it a working vacation. In any case, I have no intention of being away from my two girls for any length of time.

Speaking of girls, Little Jade is adjusting very well. We did decide to have her see a child psychologist to help her adjust and deal with any issues she may have. She's attending the same private school as Beck and Cat's daughter Chloe. Though Chloe is a grade ahead of Little Jade, they are now the best of friends.