Mrs. Right

Healing Words

Jimin convinced me that I had no other choice than to take someone else's life. I still had a lingering feeling of guilt, so I decided I would get professional help to cope with the traumatic event. At my insistence, Jimin returned to Denver that night so he and the others could stay on track with their tour plans. With the threat gone, we re-opened the lines of communication, and it was like the floodgates had opened. I got to communicate with every single one of them, and I started to feel like I was coming back to life--back to the pre-tour normalcy that had felt like home to me. They all asked that I rejoin them on the tour, but I wasn't ready yet. I needed time. I wasn't able to set foot into my parents' house, so my sister and her husband agreed to take me in until I was ready to return.

The police said they had discovered a small camp along the irrigation ditch road just a few hundred feet from my parents' house. It was hidden behind a cluster of cottonwood trees. Among other things, they had found binoculars and a journal detailing my movements from the moment I was discharged from the hospital all the way to the day Jimin arrived. Her entries upon Jimin's arrival took a dark turn, detailing the things she would do to me . . . and to my parents for bringing me into this world. She had lied about not wanting to harm them. She had intended to slowly torture them to death after killing me as a punishment for allowing me to exist. I really had saved my parents' lives.

The young woman's parents came out to Colorado to claim her body and asked to meet with me. I was hesitant. I didn't want my identity revealed. I didn't want my parents' identities revealed either. I was also afraid of what they would have to say. Instead, I agreed to exchange letters. In my letter, I poured out my heart. I explained how I relive the moment frequently. That I couldn't imagine the pain they were going through. That the guilt of taking their daughter's life will linger with me for the rest of mine. That I hope one day they can understand I never wanted to harm their daughter.

Their letter was of great comfort to me. They explained that their daughter had been battling mental illness for years. She had been a bright, caring, and happy child who loved to sing and write. When she was a teenager, the mental illness set in. For several years it was fairly well managed with medication and therapy, but their daughter hated the side effects of the medication. Over the past year, she stopped taking her medication and going to therapy. She refused their help to get her back on track. She then cut off all communication with them. Her parents went on to say they wouldn't forgive me for what happened because there was nothing to forgive. They were aware that she had already tried to kill me once before and feared she would either succeed or die trying. They assured me they were grateful that my parents and I survived even though it meant they lost their daughter.

The surgery on my dad's shoulder had gone well, and within a few days, he was back to his old joking self. Being older, his gunshot wound took a bit longer to heal. Both he and mom also sought counseling, joining me once a week so we could talk through what had happened as a family considering all three of us had lived through it together. During one family counseling session, I opened up about the start of Jimin's and my relationship.

"I keep thinking back to the weekend Jimin and I first made love. Daniel had recently filed for divorce. I was feeling so alone and unloved. Jimin and I had already become friends through our working relationship. From the first day we met, I had found myself attracted to Jimin--not just physically, but emotionally as well. He is such a warm, caring, and loving person. I wouldn't allow myself to act on it, though. I could never betray Daniel. I thought we were just going through a rough patch in our marriage. But then Daniel filed for divorce, and there Jimin was. Much to my surprise, he felt the same way about me. It was all too easy to let him pick up the pieces. I'm left to wonder . . . what if I had never confessed my feelings for him? What if I had not allowed myself to give in to my desire for a man who is a famous idol? What if I had only allowed us to be friends? Would any of this have happened? Probably not. And to be honest, that stings. I didn't use my head, and the consequences were severe."

"Addy, you can't control who you love," my dad argued. "After what Daniel did to you, I can't blame you for trying to find some happiness in the arms of another man. I'd like to think you don't need another man to find happiness, but having someone special in your life, someone who loves you and respects you, supports you and cares for you and accepts you for who you are . . . that's priceless. You deserve that, Addy, even if it means being with someone who is famous and is constantly under the spotlight. Like I said, I saw the way Jimin was looking at you. I can tell you have that with him. I don't think I ever saw Daniel look at you in that way."

My mom added, "I won't deny I think he's too young for you, but you always did have a young spirit. As for his celebrity status . . . it does worry me. I worry about whether or not your relationship with him can last with him constantly being under media scrutiny, working long hours, traveling the world on tour, and having women throw themselves at him. Jimin seems very down-to-earth, though. You yourself said he doesn't let his celebrity status go to his head. That brings me some comfort. More than anything, though, I want you to be happy. As long as you are happy, it doesn't matter what I think--I support you. Like your dad said, you deserve to be loved by someone who truly loves you back. And I could never blame either of you for what happened that night. The blame falls on the woman who tried to kill you."

My frequent counseling sessions--both individual and family--went a long way to help me become ready to get back to work. I reached out to Hybe and asked if I could rejoin the tour, and they were happy to oblige. They emailed me an updated tour itinerary and booked me a ticket to New York along with a room at the hotel BTS was staying at. I asked that they keep it a secret so I could make it a surprise. They agreed to go along. All I needed now was Namjoon's help.