What I wish I knew as a student...✐

20. For the ones who 'failed' ❤️

People always talk and dream about success. But no one mentions failure.

I dedicate this chapter to the ones who seem to have failed and to myself.

I may be 19 and haven't probably been half of my life time yet. I still decided to write about this taboo topic.

Take this chapter as an advice or a comfort place. This is rather more personal for me. (:

To begin with, I want you to know who I am.

I always get to hear how outspoken, mature, collected and reliable I am. Those are words I want to hear.

But is that really me?

Being the sandwhich-kid, I felt like having to prove something. I still do.

It's not that I was neglected. It's just the mindset I implanted as I grew older. I just felt overlooked even if it may not be the case.

Now how many of you can relate? Hahaha, just curious.

I'm not really an adult -legally, yes. Physically, yes. But... mentally? 🤡💀 I have to check again.

Jokes aside.

This is how I truly am, childish, prideful and misunderstood.

I felt like having to be independent, strong, mature and reliable. Someone everyone can look up to.

But I can't tell you how many times I failed in life.

I'm not only talking about exams, but bad grades sure did something to me. I developed fear of failure.

Why?

Because as soon as I failed one, I felt like I failed everything. I lost face in society. I felt pitiful, pathetic and underestimated.

Until today I struggle with that. I don't know who can relate with this unexplainable feeling, but I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I know there is someone out there, relating with me.

I failed  within friendships, relationships and mostly in my family.

A failure.

I am not what I wished i turned out to be. It's not something I am proud of.

I sometimes resent myself for it and it does not do me well. I feel a lot. But express less than I am.

Now what is my point in this chapter?

Well, as you can see I wanted to give you a peak of my mind. It's not all flowers and sunshine, now is it?

And after all this motivational chapters I sent out to you,  I have struggles myself.

Something you may relate to.

I want you to acknowledge your flaws, your feelings and most importantly the truth in you.

Stop bottling up your emotions all the time and express them. 😔😊

Otherwise you'll end up depressed, anxious and angry all the time. I'm speaking from personal experience.

Now I know childhood trauma and up-bringing has a huge impact on how we develop as people.

But don't let it hinder you in turning to your true emotions.

You're sad? Express it!

You're angry? Be angry!

You felt mistreated? Tell them!