One question is always bugging me. Whether I am awake or not, it bugs me. I can't find an answer to those questions. Takot kasi akong kausapin siya. Takot akong masaktan siya.
Why did we turn like this?
I sighed as I closed my notebook. Iniligpit ko iyon at inilagay sa bag ko. Kailan man ay hindi ko hinayaang nakabalandra 'yun sa kung saan. I always keep it. Where nobody could see.
Nahiga ako sa kama at napatitig sa kisame. The loneliness is surrounding me. Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang minuto akong nakatitig sa kisame hanggang sa marinig ko ang pagbukas ng front door. I immediately stood up and went out of my room.
I saw him. He entered the house while removing his tie. Nagtama ang paningin namin at agad nagdilim ang mukha niya. His jaw clenched as he looked away and walked passed me.
"Kumain ka na?" Tanong ko. I can hear his footsteps stops before his sharp voice ring my ear.
"Pakealam mo? Bakit ba nandito ka? Shouldn't you be at your boyfriend's house, huh?" His words sliced my heart. I can feel tears coming out but no, I wouldn't cry in front of him.
Saka na kapag ako na lang mag isa.
"He's not home. T-that's why, I'm here." I stated, trying to fight my tears.
Jeoniel scoffed. "Kaya ka nandito? Kasi wala 'yung lalaki mo? Ang kapal mo rin, no?" Jeoniel turned back and slammed the door of his room. Nanlambot naman agad ako ngunit nagawa kong dumiretso sa kwarto ko. I hugged my pillow and cry. I cry until my eyes turned swollen.
"Lorrie, why are you doing this? Pinapahirapan mo ang sarili mo at maging si Jeoniel," Yanah sighed as she drink her orange juice. Narito ako ngayon sa bahay niya. My eyes kept scanning the place. I saw some photos of her and her boyfriend, Ralph. Binalingan ko ng tingin si Yanah na tahimik ding nakamasid sa akin.
Napatitig ako sa kaniya. "Do you miss Ralph?" I asked and instantly, her eyes shifts emotions. Naging malungkot ang mga mata niya at agad kong pinagsisihan ang pagtatanong.
I was about to apologized when she answered.
"Of course, who would not? He's my boyfriend. Kung nasaan man siya o kung buhay pa ba siya, I want him to know that I love him. Hindi na yata mababago 'yon," she sighed and look at me. Pinunasan niya ang naggilid na luha sa mata niya bago humingang muli ng malalim at matapos magpunas ng luha ay tumingin siya sa akin. "Don't try changing the topic, Lorrie. We are talking about you and Jeoniel here," she spoke.
Natahimik na lang ako. Habang siya ay nakamasid lang sa akin. Alam kong against siya sa ginagawa ko but, what can I do? May lamat na ang lahat.
"I understand that you don't wanna hurt Jeoniel by keeping him about your condition but, this? Nagpapanggap kang may iba para madali mo siyang mapaaalis sa buhay mo? Lorrie, what are you thinking?" She asked, frustratingly.
I leaned on the couch and sighed. Mahirap rin sa akin. Masakit dahil lahat ng maaanghang na salita mula kay Jeoniel ay kailangan kong tanggapin. Nang sa gano'n ay madali siyang maka-move on sa akin kung sakali man... na mawala na ako.
"Ayoko siyang saktan. Mas mabuti nang habang maaga ay makahanap na siya ng babaeng para sa kaniya. Hindi ang katulad kong may tumor sa utak," sabi ko.
The door of her unit opened and Yanah's brother, Yael entered. Nang magtama ang mata namin ay sumilay ang ngiti sa labi niya at kaagad siyang naupo sa tabi ko.
"Kumusta?" He asked with a smile. His dimples shows that made look attractive. Boys who likes to smile are really attractive. That's why I felt attracted to him the moment we met... at that shop... nevermind.
"I'm fine. Ikaw ba? Kamusta business?" Tanong ko.
Sumandal siya sa upuan. "Kaka-seal ko lang ng deal ngayon at dahil gusto kong i-celebrate 'yun kasama kayo, may pasalubong ako!" He suddenly became enthusiastic as he stood up. Nagtungo siya sa lugar kung nasaan niya nilapag ang mga plastic na dala nya kanina.
"Chicken wings and Royal!" He exclaimed. Kaagad naman akong napangiti at na-excite. My favorites!
My smile faded when my phone lit up, showing his name.
From: Jeoniel
Where did you go? Sa lalaki mo ba?
Napakagat labi ako nang maramdaman ang pagsakit ng puso ko. Dapat sanay na ako dito, eh pero masakit pa rin. Konting tiis na lang, Lorrie.
"Lorrie, hindi ka kakain?" Yanah's voice snapped me out my thought. Nag angat naman ako ng tingin at nang makitang pareho silang nakatingin ay agad kong binitawan ang cellphone ko.
It's better for Jeoniel to think that I'm cheating on him... so, he could resent me and could easily forget me... if I die.
"Salamat sa paghatid," I smiled at Yael the moment I went out of his car. Yael went out but he just stayed on the other side of the car. Ngumiti siya at bahagyang nag-salute.
"Anything for you. Just call us if you need anything, alright?" He showed an 'ok', sign. I chuckled and nodded, imitating his 'ok' sign.
Someone cleared his throat. Kaaga kumalabog ang dibdib ko nang lingunin ko iyon at nakita si Jeoniel na nakasandal sa pader sa gilid ng gate. His eyes are sharp and dark as he glare at us.
"Lorrie, una na ako. Ingat, ah? Have a goodnight." Yael said and glanced at Jeoniel behind me. He gave him a slight nod. "Pre, una na ako..." he said and without waiting for the other's response, he drive his car away.
Tumalikod ako para pumasok na. Naramdaman ko ang pagsunod ng lalaki sa likod ko ngunit nanatili akong tahimik.
"He's the one you're with on the photo, right?" he asked but I didn't respond and just went to walk pass him when he spoke.
"You really have the guts to ignore me after your 'boyfriend' dropped you off here. Wow, what a face," I heard him sarcastically said. My heart immediately reacted to it but, I just smiled. I smiled and face him.
"Well, at least he's sweet, right?" I mockingly said. Mabilis na nagbago ang itsura niya at hindi ko alam kung guni guni lang dahil nakita ko ang lungkot at sakit na dumaan sa mata niya na mabilis ding nawala.
His jaw clenched before he walked passed me. Naiwan na naman akong mag-isa. Hinayaan kong tumulo ang luha ko at tahimik akong humagulgol. Nanghihina akong napaupo sa sofa at hinayaang ilabas lahat ng saloobin ko.
I'm sorry, Jeoniel but you don't deserve me. You don't deserve a sick woman... who's dying anytime.
BINABASA MO ANG
Where Secrets Lie (SOW #3)
Roman d'amourSeries Of Wheres #3 - Happily engaged and soon-to-be married, Lorrie Jane Fuertes and Jeoniel Salazar developed their future plans. They planned to have a simple yet happy life with the family that they would create. They say a rainbow comes after...
