Where Secrets Lie (SOW #3)

02.

Jeoniel left early the next morning. Sanay naman ako sa gano'n. Sanay na ako na hindi na kami sabay kumakain, sabay pumapasok, sabay uuwi at sabay matutulog. Lahat 'yon ay wala na. Nagbago na ang lahat.

I stood up and went to the kitchen to cook for lunch. Siguro mamaya ay pupunta akong muli kela Yanah. I have nothing to do here anyway. Sa susunod na buwan pa ako babalik ng trabaho. My boss gave me a permission to have a leave from work for a month. Alam na nila ang about sa sakit ko kaya binigyan nila ako ng leave.

I cooked for myself and ate alone. Napatingin ako sa upuan sa harapan ko. Where he used to sit when we eat together. Where he used to wipe the stains on my lips. Where he used to stare at me while I eat. Where he used to... shit, Lorrie stop.

Nawalan ako bigla ng gana sa pagkain. My hands became weak. Nabitawan ko ang kutsarang hawak ko at namalayan ko na lang na humahagulgol na ako. The loneliness is swallowing me.

Where did we go wrong? Masaya naman kami. Engaged na kami pero bakit nagkaganito? We were supposed to get married but how did we turn like this?

"Babe..." I called as he entered the house. I saw him clutching something in his hands and his glaring eyes went to me. Nanatili siyang nakatitig doon kaya nagtaka naman ako.

Unti unti akong lumapit but he stepped back.

"Don't... come near me," he said and I was stunned by the tone of his voice. His voice sounds cold.

"B-babe... why? What's the problem?" I asked nervously as his glaring dark eyes pierce to me. Umigting ang panga niya at dahan dahan ang paglapit sa akin.

"You have the guts to call me that and face me when you are a fucking cheater behind my back? Huh?" He stated, his voice dripping in anger.

My heart immediately shatters. What is he saying?

"B-babe, a-anong—" naputol ang kung anong sasabihin ko nang itapon niya sa harapan ko ang bagay na kanina pa niya hawak.

"You're going behind me! Paano mo nagawa ito? While I was working hard for the both of us, you are seeing other man behind my back?! Tapos, may kapal ng mukha ka pang humarap sa akin at tawagin akong ganyan!" He shouted with full of anger and pain. Nagluha kaagad ang mata ko at bumaba ang tingin sa mga litratong nakakalat sa sahig.

It's an unknown guy. I haven't seen him but why am I with him in this photo? Who is he? Who captured all of this? The guy's face aren't seen in the photo, it's just back. Mukha ko lang ang klaro sa litrato.

"S-sino ang nagbigay sa'yo nito?" My voice is shaking and cracking in pain as I look up and saw Jeoniel's eyes looking at me... in disgust.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are cheating on me!" He shouted once again. Napapikit na lang ako at agad naramdaman ang bahagyang pagkirot ng ulo ko.

Shit, not now.

"Bakit ginawa mo ito sa 'kin?! Ha?! Anong pagkukulang ko? Why did you find another man when you are fucking marrying me?! Kulang pa ba ako para sa'yo?! Ha? Answer me!" His voice ringing my ear but I couldn't answer. Nagpatuloy ang pagkirot ng ulo ko. My eyes close tightly as I took a deep breath. Ayokong mapansin ni Jeoniel ang lihim na pag-inda ko sa sakit ko.

I opened my eyes when I heard a small clang on the floor. When I opened my eyes, my heart shatters in pain when I saw his ring on the floor. Our promise ring that the both of us have... is now on the floor.

"Fucking cheater. I'm calling the wedding off. Magsama kayo ng lalaki mo."

My face is now soaked in tears as I remembered that scene. Jeoniel changed eversince that. Ang dating matamis at mainit na turing niya sa akin ay nagbago na. Masakit sa akin ang makitang hindi na niya suot ang singsing naming dalawa, tanggap ko pa rin. Tinatanggap ko kasi naisip ko na... konting tiis na lang. Mawawala na rin ako, magiging masaya na rin ako.

Because my cancer is malignant. The cancerous type of a cancer. My sickness may lead me to my death. Hindi ko alam kung anong pinagmulan ng sakit ko dahil base sa doctor, unknown ang cause ng meningioma but there's a chance na na-develop ito due to high exposure of radiations. Dahil rin siguro sa palagi akong nakatutok sa computer ko kapag nasa trabaho. O, dahil rin sa magdamag kong pagtutok sa cellphone ko para kamustahin si Jeoniel noon.

Hindi ko alam ang pinagmulan but, I know one thing... malignant type of brain tumor may lead me to death. Mabagal man ang pag-laki ng tumor but this can produce a severe morbidity that may cause my death.

So, paano ko pa masasabi kay Jeoniel? Kung masasaktan rin siya sa katotohanan? Kung maiiwan ko rin siya? How could I tell him? Paano ko makakayang saktan ulit siya gayung hindi ko kinaya noong makita ko siyang magluksa sa pagkamatay ng Mama niya?

"Why are you crying? Your boyfriend didn't contact you? Kaya ka umiiyak diyan?" I heard his voice followed by his scoff.

"Deserve mo," he sarcastically said but I stayed in my position. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko bago pinunasan ang luha ko. When I look up, I saw him... sitting down on the chair he used to sit at.

At the sight of him sitting in his usual chair made me tear up again. I badly wanna tell him how much I'm suffering and hurting but, I couldn't afford to hurt him.

"Why are you crying?" He asked again but this time... a more softer voice comes out from his mouth.