Where Secrets Lie (SOW #3)

05.

Writing the last sentence on my diary, I sighed as I marked period to end my today's diary entry. Sumandal ako sa upuan ko at binasa ang isinulat ko. Gaya ng nakasanayan, tuwing gabi ay magsusulat ako sa notebook ko. Ito ang binabalingan ko ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Sinusulat ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Maybe, one day when I die, Jeoniel could read this. Pero, mas gugustuhin kong 'wag na niyang mabasa para hindi na siya masaktan.

I stood up and placed my notebook underneath my pillow. Yanah's sleeping peacefully beside me kaya naman dahan-dahan lang ang pagkilos ko para hindi siya magising. Yael also stayed here and he's in the guest room.

A while ago, when we talked to the kitchen. I told him all the things I'm grateful for. He listened to me patiently. He told me to tell him if I can't take it anymore. All I did was to smile and thanked him. After that, pinagsaluhan namin ang mansanas na tinalop niya na para sa akin pala. Pasalubong niya daw at nang mabalitaan niyang nahimatay ako ay agad siyang napunta dito.

My eyes unconsciously found my phone at nakita kong nakabukas iyon kaya kinuha ko at binuksan. My heart immediately beats fast when I saw a text message from him.

From: Baby <3

I know I'm disturbing your moment with your boyfriend but I wanna tell you that tomorrow, Lola and I will visit Mama. Lola told me to bring you but, if you're busy with your boyfriend, kami na lang ni Lola ang pupunta.

I pursed my lips after I read his text. Hindi talaga puwedeng hindi niya ako kakausapin nang hindi binabangit ang 'boyfriend' ko.

One word to describe... cold. That's the only thing that comes to my mind. His texts are now cold. Ano bang ine-expect mo, Lorrie? That he'll greets you with heart emojis and sweet greetings like before? Asa.

I sighed and sat on the bed. Iniangat ko ang kumot at kinumutan ang sarili ko bago ako nagreply sa kaniya.

To: Baby <3

Sasama ako. See you tomorrow.

Halos mapamura ako nang mapansin ang pangalang hindi ko pa napapalitan. In my contacts, he's still named as 'Baby<3' and I don't know if I should change it or no.

But, the realization hits me. Wala na kami. Wala na akong karapatang tawagin siya nito. Wala na ang dating kami.

So, I did the right thing.

I proceed to my contacts and changed his name. Nakaramdam ako ng kirot dahil pakiramdam ko ay tuluyan ko nang tinatanggap na wala na talaga. Come on, Lorrie! It's just a contact's name!

Iwinaksi ko lahat ng iniisip ko at itinabi ang cellphone ko. I should stop thinking about him and just sleep. Yeah, Lorrie, sleep.

"Sure ka bang magiging ayos ka lang?" Yanah keep asking me as she drive me towards our house. By that, I mean, our house. The house that I'm sharing with Jeon.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago tumango. Mula kanina pa ay hindi na magkamayaw ang pagkalabog dahil sa kaba ng aking dibdib. Makikita ko na naman siya at hinanda ko na ang sarili ko sa mga salitang matatanggap ko.

"Ayaw mo bang samahan kita?" Yanah asked in conern. Agad namang nanlambot ang puso ko at kinuha ang kamay niya. Ngumiti ako at pinisil ang kamay niya.

"Yanah, ayos lang ako. Pangako 'yon. 'Wag ka nang mag-alala, okay?" nakangiti kong saad. She looks at me before sighing and holding my hand back.

"Basta, Lorrie, kapag napagsalitaan ka na naman ni Jeoniel at kapag inatake ka, tawagan mo kaagad ako. Mag-iingat ka." Tumango ako at yumakap sa kaniya. I wanna assure her that everything will be fine.