break the heartbreaker : luke

chipped wood

6:12pm

after splashing cold water on my face, i pat my face dry using a towel. i admit that i'm feeling a bit tipsy now because of all the beer, but not enough to make me fall asleep or anything.

my dad and brothers left a few minutes ago, and i think they intended to stay longer, but i couldn't afford to let any more time pass by. i lied and told them i had homework to finish.

before entering my room, i look over to where michael's sleeping on the couch. yep, he's still as knocked out as ever.

i go inside my room and close the door only slightly behind me, so i can still hear in case michael makes any unusual sounds again.

from my standing position, i look down at the things inside the box, and something at the corner instantly catches my eye.

i sit down on the carpet and get it from the box, holding it up, trying to figure out what it is. maybe she accidentally dropped this in here or something because i really can't make out what this thing is supposed to be.

it looks like a piece of chipped wood with white paint on it, and that's honestly the best way i can describe it.

i look through the stack of unopened letters, my eyes landing on one labelled "chipped wood" and unfold it.

"i never really knew what "needing" someone meant. i would always come across sentences in books like, 'i need you,' or 'i'll always need you,' or 'i'll never stop needing you,' and i never understood what those people meant by that. how and why could anyone need someone?"

i feel the rough texture of the chipped wood in between my fingertips, my eyebrows furrowed at how random it is. where did this come from?

"i think it was because i'm kinda used to being independent. i've been living alone and away from my parents for a while now, and i can't say that it's not affecting the way i handle my problems,"

"i learnt to handle my everyday problems alone. after long days at school, i only have me to take care of myself. i got used to that, that i thought that i would never need anyone else to get me through a tough day, as long as i had myself."

"that's why, even i surprised myself one night. it was around 3am, and i was up all night thinking about maurine and the mission. i kept thinking and thinking, until i realized that i was hyperventilating, that tears were streaming down my cheeks, and my hands were shaking."

"what surprised me most, though, was my first thought: i need luke."

holy shit. i look down at piece of chipped wood i'm holding, suddenly realizing it's importance. it's a part from the door i broke down when vada called me at 3am.

flashback

"the hell?" i mumble, my face squished on my pillow as i hear my phone vibrate. i check the time on my bedside clock, and it's well past 3am.

it must be an emergency, so i grab my phone, and once i see the contact aa vada pop up, i answer it immediately.

"petal?" i say, "what's up? are you okay? why are you calling at this time?"

it takes her a few seconds to answer, but from the other line, i can hear deep breathing.

"l-luke." she says, her voice as shaky as ever, instantly making me sit up from bed.

"vada?" i ask, urgency more present in my tone, "what's wrong?"

"i-i think i'm having a panic attack," she says, stuttering, "can y-you come o-"