break the heartbreaker : luke

escape

7 DAYS BEFORE PROM

i'm not looking for a pity party or anything, but growing up, i didn't really have any nice things.

don't get me wrong, i'm grateful for everything my parents have given me, then until now.

but being the last child out of four children really did have it's consequences.

it meant that i got all the hand me downs, i got clothes sizes way smaller or bigger than me, i got all the old toys, and i never really got anything new.

during playdates, the kids i'd play with would always have the new, big, colorful toys, while i'd get stuck with toys that have been around for not less than ten years.

the clothes i'd have would also be way smaller or bigger on me, which is also why the bathing suit i was wearing ripped right where my ass crack was that one time we had a kiddie pool party.

i'd never have anything new. i'd never have something that i could've really claimed as my own. i'd never have anything nice that was really mine.

but now, after a long, long time, i think the universe accidentally gave me one nice thing again.

i think there seemed to have been a crack in their system, and one good thing slipped through that crack and landed right in the center of my life, when i was least expecting it.

after years of waiting for something nice i can actually claim as my own, the universe somehow allowed for me to have a good thing.

and that one good thing is luke hemmings.

however, i guess the universe noticed straight away, since they also made luke hemmings one of the worst things i could possibly have in life.

because the universe wants me to break his heart.

now, i start to think, why the fuck would i wanna do that? why would i want to destroy a good thing that the universe gave me?

it's like after years of wearing clothes that are always sizes too small or big on me, i finally have a piece of clothing that fits just right.

after years of playing and trying to enjoy myself with old, broken toys, i finally have one that's brand new, shiny, and straight from the packaging.

if i've been yearning for something new, for something in this world that was meant for me,  why the fuck would i want to hurt him?

which is why, after ashton went home yesterday, i decided that i won't.

i won't break his heart. i simply can't.

i can't let a good thing slip away from me. i can't let luke slip away from me, rather.

as for maurine? i still don't know what i'll do about her, to be honest. i haven't thought about that part yet.

what i do know that i'll do, is that i'm going to admit my feelings for luke.

i know what you're wondering: why so sudden? where are all these drastic decisions coming from? don't you care about your friendship with maurine?