break the heartbreaker : luke

insomnia

"are you sure you'll sleep as soon as we end the call?" ashton asks with a skeptical look on his face.

it's currently saturday, 3am. ashton and i have been on facetime since friday, 10pm because he was teaching me the newest algebra lesson.

"yeah, i'll sleep as soon as we end the call." i sigh.

lie.

"alright," ashton nods, "you sure you understand the lesson? no more questions?"

"no more questions." i answer, nodding.

a lie again.

"thanks for helping, ash," i continue, "i know you usually sleep at 10, so thanks for staying up late for me."

"you don't call me your best friend for nothing." he smiles, then immediately yawns after.

"go to sleep, ash." i say softly.

"alright, vada," ashton says, "you go to sleep, too, okay? goodnight. love you."

"night night, ash," i say, waving slightly at the camera, "thank you. love you, too."

and with that, he ends the call.

i shut my laptop off, and grab my phone from my bedside table.

i know it's wrong to do this, but i just can't help
it.

i open the instagram application, go to the direct messages section, and look for my chat box with luke.

once i spot his name, i open our messages and start to read through them.

i know i'm just hurting myself. i know this won't do me any good. but i miss luke so much, and this is the only way i can be reminded of
him. this is the only way i can tame these feelings.

i sigh to myself as i scroll through our messages, remembering the butterflies i'd get whenever we'd exchange messages.

luke would also always send me posts he'd think i like. whether they're memes, videos of dogs, or videos of bands i like. i instantly liked that about him, because it showed that he remembers the little things.

just as i was about to exit the app, already getting sadder than i had planned to, my eyes widen upon seeing the "active now" text underneath luke's name.

he's still awake? at 3am?

maybe he's just talking to fern, that's why he's still up?

since i know my mind won't shut up until i get answers, i search fern's name on instagram, too.

it says that she was active two hours ago.

i return to luke's chat box, and he's still active.

i take in a deep breath once i remember something luke told me before, instantly making me feel sadder than i am.

–

"luke?" i say, looking towards him as he drives.

we're currently on our way back home after meeting his relatives. it's already 10pm, and i know luke's tired, so i'm trying my best to talk to him to keep him awake by talking to him.

"yeah, petal?" he asks, keeping his eyes on the road.

"remember when you said earlier that now that i'm here, you feel as though your insomnia's going away?" i ask.

"yeah," he answers, then glances at me quickly, "why?"

"well, what did you used to do before?" i ask slowly, "you know, to help you fall asleep?"