break the heartbreaker : luke

golden boy

PROM NIGHT

i think it's safe to say that for most people, prom night is a night they've been waiting for.

it's a night to dress up, a night to spend and have fun with someone special, and a night to enjoy with your friends.

i mean, what's not to like about dressing up into gowns or jumpsuits and tuxedos? what's not to like about slow dancing with your crush? what's not to like about the after prom, where couples run to their separate hotel rooms, and friends get together to enjoy the rest of the night?

the air is buzzing with excitement, eagerness, adoration, anticipation, and just everything good.

who's going to win prom king and queen? who's going to win crowd favorite? who's going to win face of the night? what is everyone wearing?

to be honest, i badly want to feel the way i described prom night as. i want to feel excited for the butterflies i'm about to feel, i want that feeling of giddiness, i want to feel curious as to who's going to win all those special awards.

but no.

if anything, i'm feeling all things bad. the questions running through my mind are far from the questions you'd ask yourself on prom night.

should i tell luke tonight? when? will i get the chance to? is maurine going to do something tonight? will my dreams come to life tonight? will i end up as a sobbing mess once this night's over?

should i go to prom at all?

i sigh as i look at my reflection in front of the mirror.

i've picked this dress out ages ago, and i was always so excited to wear it. tonight was the night i thought i can feel like a princess, but if anything, because of how i feel on the inside, i just feel like utter and complete trash.

i'm wearing a semi-fluffy rose gold dress with hand-embroidered flowers all over the mid-section, all the way down to the skirt of the gown.

it's got thin straps, with a square neck cut, which makes the dress hug my upper body just the right way.

i look good, i think. but the nervousness in my eyes, and the present frown on my lips just ruin this whole look.

i exhale, feeling my heart beat faster because of my own thoughts.

"you'll get through tonight just fine, vada," i mumble to myself, "nothing's going to happen,"

i'm talking to myself as i look at my reflection in the mirror, trying so hard to convince myself.

"you're going to have a good time with luke, you're going to slow dance with him as you look into his blue eyes, and you're going to make the most out of tonight," i whisper to myself again, "you're just overthinking."

i sound absolutely crazy right now, talking to myself like this. but it's the only way i can calm myself down.

despite me trying to calm myself down, though, it's not helping fully. no matter how many affirmations i tell myself, there's still a lot of nervousness and worry at the pit of my stomach that won't go away no matter how hard i try.