Thanatophobia (Manthony)

Chapter 4

     "Fuck" I mutter under my breath as I slam my bedroom door behind me.  I angrily bite my bottom lip and look at the cut I had just received.  My reaction towards Christian's aggression felt over the top, but he had never been so violent with me before.

Sure, there were times he would get in my face and yell, but I would do the same. Yelling at each other the way we did was toxic, but we both knew better than to lay a hand on one another.  

At least, I thought we knew better.

Christian had been different since he had come back from Australia. It seemed as if someone had changed him rather than something changing him. 

That could only mean that he didn't go back home to better himself.  He went back home because he felt like he wasn't wanted here, and to a certain degree, that was true. My brother was fully aware of how heartbroken I was when Christian and I broke up last.

     "What did you just say?" I manage to say as I follow Christian out of the dressing room. "Can you stop fucking walking away and look at me!" I plead as I attempt to catch up to Christian.  He continues to ignore me.  I reach out to grab his hand, but he yanks it away. I quickly move my hand back in fear that Christian might physically react out of anger.

"I said I'm tired of you!" He repeats as he whips around to look at me. "No matter what I do, you're still questioning my feelings for you. It's fucking tiring." He snaps. "What more do you want? I've made mistakes in the past, but it's in the fucking past. Why can't you move on?"

"I just want you to try and think about how I feel for one second," I reply, a confused expression on my face.  Christian shakes his head and waits for our other band members to walk by us before speaking again.  

Clinton looks back, and we catch each other's eyes. He sends me an apologetic look before disappearing.

"We don't have time for this. Leave me alone for a while." Christian walks away and leaves me standing by myself.

     A knock at my door forces me out of my thoughts.  I wasn't sure why the breakup kept replaying itself in my mind, but whenever it did, all my attention went to remembering how I felt and all the said words.  

We had broken up so many times. I couldn't figure out why this one stood out more than the others.

I ignore the knock and remain seated on my bed.

"Babe, it's me." A familiar female voice says. The door slowly creaks open; Jordan and Xavier enter my room.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask weakly. "We texted to see if you wanted to hang out, but you didn't answer, so we decided to come over. Christian was in the kitchen when we got here. I asked where you were, and he started saying he didn't mean to hurt anyone?  Everyone was acting weird, so we assumed something happened and that you were up here..." Jordan explains.

 "What happened to your hand?" Jordan exclaims as she sits down next to me.  I look down to see the blood had dripped all over my clothing and carpet.

"Oh, I-I was looking for something in my bathroom. There's a loose nail in one of the drawers.  I didn't see it and cut my hand." I lie. Xavier gave me a look that said he didn't believe me but decided against asking any questions. 

"I'll go get something to clean the rug," He says as he leaves my room again. Jordan grabs my free hand and walks me into my bathroom. "You need to wash your hand so the cut doesn't get infected." She says as she kneels to look for something under my sink. I oblige and begin to lather my hands with soap.