Thanatophobia (Manthony)

Chapter 30

Christian

     It's crazy how fast your life can change in a matter of seconds. 

One second, everything is going as planned, but then the next, it's as if nothing has ever been right. 

I was living on borrowed time. Not because I was dying, but because the walls were closing in on me. 

Typically, the person keeping a horrible secret is the one who wants to tell the person they're keeping it from. They want it to come from them so the other person will know the entire story.

 Other times it's because they don't want the whole truth to come out. 

But, when you keep something from someone for so long, they'll inevitably find out one day, whether it's from a friend, the police, the news, a stranger, or the person who betrayed them all along. My two weeks were coming to an end. 

The universe is generous. It'll give you time to figure your shit out and tell the truth before it decides some fucked up way of revealing your secrets. 

A lot of people use that time to make their problems worse. They tell more lies because they got away with the first one. They begin to hurt other people to avoid having to say whatever shit they've done. 

They become angry. Violent. Cold. Calculated. Distant. 

"You're not a nice person, Christian. You're far from it, and if you think you are, you should look in the mirror."

 Some people think they're doing the other person a favor. They're protecting them or they're shielding them from something that will cause them great pain. But they're really protecting themselves. 

The universe gave them a chance, but they didn't take it. They end up making things worse. 

I became one of those people.

     After Travis's funeral, Mitchel wasn't really talking. He wasn't doing much of anything. He spent the majority of his days in his room sleeping or watching TV. 

He had been through a lot, and his ex dying was the icing on top of the cake. Only, the icing and the cake were old and putrid.

He had eaten too much at once, and it was killing him on the inside. 

I wanted to do something more for Mitchel, but there was nothing anyone could say or do that would make it better. So instead, I would quietly sit with him, occasionally asking if he needed anything. 

Comforting people when they were upset was never my specialty. 

     "I think I'm gonna head out," I hear. 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Mitchel shakes his head, not saying anything else. It was obvious he still blamed me for Travis's death. Maybe not as much as before, but I wasn't stupid. He didn't have to say anything for me to know that he still blamed me.

I get up from the couch, wanting to say something more, but no words left my mouth. Mitchel nods his head, looking around like he expected me to say something else.

 "Okay," He drags out. "Well, bye."

Mitchel walks away. The front door slams behind him. I avert my eyes away, looking down at the fuzzy white carpet we had in our living room. 

"Seriously! Who asks someone they've known for this long and have been in a relationship with if that person loves them?!" I continue to yell at Mitchel. 

"Me!" He yells just as loudly. "Does this look like love to you?" 

     The front door opens again. Mitchel must have forgotten something, or maybe he changed his mind and did want me to come with him.