Thanatophobia (Manthony)

Chapter 20

Mitchel

     I look up from my cereal, looking back and forth between Clinton and Jesse. "What?" I ask with food in my mouth.

"Don't act like that," Clinton says. I frown, confused by what he is getting at. "What's wrong?" I press.

"You and Christian did it." My brother smirks, looking at Jesse. I cough to stall my answer. "What makes you say that?" I reply, not really wanting to tell my brother I had sex with our best friend, who is also our band mate who also happens to be my boyfriend.

"I'm not fucking deaf, you know?" I swallow hard, staring at my cereal in embarrassment. "When...when did you get home?" I ask, taking rather big spoonfuls of my cereal.

"I don't know. Somewhere in between the "You like that?" And you moaning," Clinton mimics but looks slightly disgusted at the same time.

     Jesse rolls his eyes and continues typing something on his phone.

"Anyway," I force myself to say. I wasn't sure what else I could say to my brother. "Was he at least...caring?"

"Clinton, please." I groan, getting up from my seat with my cereal. "What? My baby brother's first time. I gotta make sure you were treated right."

"It was not my first time! I've had sex plenty of times." I retort.

"With women, yes, you have." I shrug. "It's different." Clinton adds.

     I sigh. I walk into the kitchen and put my half-eaten bowl of cereal into the sink. "Um, he was...a little rough." I admit to my brother and our best friend sitting next to him.

"What do you mean?" Jesse asks, putting his phone down and focusing on me. I nervously scratch the back of my head and sit back down.

"I don't know if you guys really wanna hear this."

"You know you can talk to us about anything. You don't have to give us details." Clinton assures. "Actually, I'd prefer you not to give us details, but other than that, you know you can talk to us about anything," he adds.

I nod in response.

"When I got home from the airport, Christian had no recollection of what he said. I knew there was something more to everything, but I didn't want to make him feel like he had to tell me." I explain. "I let it go, and he started kissing me and shit."

I start to play with my fingers, feeling slightly awkward.

"We were about to do it, but Jordan walked in."

     Jesse shakes his head in disapproval. "What a cockblocker." I stifle a laugh by rolling my eyes instead. "Christian was so pissed at her. Afterward, he left and didn't return home for an hour or two. I could tell he had been drinking, but it's not my place to tell him what to do."

"Yeah, but he seems to be drinking a lot more lately." I shrug in response.

"That time, we actually had sex, but he was just kinda rough. I don't know. It feels dumb to complain about it."

"It's not dumb, Mitty. Did you tell him to, like, slow down...or?" I shake my head. "I just went with it. It was...good, yeah. I was just expecting it to be less like a fuck and more like..." I trail off, not really knowing what I wanted to say.