A long lane at night

1.4. MIDDLE GROUND

** BRIAN **

SPENDING THOSE TWO HOURS WITH ALLAN DURING his class was perhaps the best moment I've had the whole week. He was so incredible to be around that I even gave him the fifteen minutes he stood outside the door in the end. I didn't tell him, though, and only pretended to be distracted. If I'm honest with myself, as I saw the clock rushing towards the end of his class, I started to realise I wasn't ready to let him go. That was stupid. I was his teacher.

Right from the start of his lesson I quickly understood he performed better when he had something else to distract him. Trying too hard to focus made him extra aware of his mistakes and that made him recoil in shame next to me. That was a sight I never wanted to see again from him. I still wasn't sure of the reason, though.

Damn it.

That meant I started inserting small talk in the middle of the instructions I would give him. Basic personal questions, but making sure I stayed very distant from the many hobbies he took. I didn't want him to think about failure. I wanted him to think about hope. And if that assassination to my ears when he first touched my piano was an indicator of anything, it was that he still had at least a little ray of hope in him.

Learning he was actually three years older than me was a bit of a shock to the both of us and I quickly saw him starting to recoil, so I cut that self-awareness very quick.

'Don't think of age, think of time of experience. You have one hour of piano-playing in you and I just happen to have sixteen years, that's all. Who knows, sixteen years from now, you can be the world's greatest pianist.'

He relaxed his arms and started laughing out loud. That sounded better than any music I've ever heard or played.

When it was at last time for him to leave, I rummaged my brain for an excuse to be with him even if a little longer.

'Uuuh... Hey, Allan. Hang on. I'll go down with you. I need to get dinner. I'll just grab my wallet.'

I ran into my bedroom trying to hide my face because I was certain I was blushing. I got my wallet from my nightstand and, for good measure, sprayed a little perfume on the air and walked underneath it on my way out. I got back to the living room and saw him at ease. That was the Allan I wanted to keep seeing.

Problem was, I kept remembering his mother's words about how he always gave up whenever he tried something new. What just yesterday sounded like a possible blessing was now daunting.

We kept talking basic things as we waited for the lifts, walked down the road to the intersection and there I tried pushing my luck a second time inviting myself to his company once more. He smiled so widely that the world stopped for a second and I needed to disguise the look on my face, so I turned round and pretended to sneeze. Thank God he bought it.

His bus arrived just too soon and I attempted something at the same time natural and bold, considering his case. I gave him my best smile and just blasted 'until Friday'. I was really pushing it.

'Sure' he smiled while saying and there was honesty in that smile.

I watched his bus go up the main road and out of sight and stayed there for a few more seconds. I spun on my heels and headed back home, dinner forgotten, seeing his face in front of me as I walked. His sand hair that was so short it was almost spiked, but still combed to the side as if he hadn't really given it much thought. His skin that looked like gold.

Brian, you're his teacher.

But his mother wants me to spend time with him.

You're still his teacher.