A long lane at night

2.13. BEAUTIFUL BOY Part 2

The only reason I was allowed to travel so much to the past was because my father and I had always managed to enjoy each other's company while staying in complete silence. At some point, my dad wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I just enjoyed his hug.

'Something I never got round to ask you, son,' my father said as we were still waiting for our turn to order, 'was why did you first tell me Alice wasn't your daughter and also why you ran over everyone else to make your point clear.'

I let out a short chuckle and said, 'funny you should ask it now. I was just thinking about it.' Then I went on, 'she still isn't my daughter,' my father raised a questioning brow, 'officially speaking, for the record. I assisted Jack with everything I could following his request and, also because he asked, I was made her godfather and legal guardian. But not once during those years there was a remote possibility of Jack and I getting together, because I never had the guts to tell him, so it never occurred to me that I would also become Alice's dad. The first time he kind of asked was right there in front of all you guys. It was a shock, honestly, but I love every aspect of it.'

'And what do you mean with "she's still not your daughter"?'

'I'll only file the paperwork after our wedding. Everything is ready, though, sitting comfortably in my desk drawer across the street, but following this order of events is the right thing to do. Not only the bureaucracy will be insane if I try to do it before, while I'm still legally single, but I also don't want to possibly cast a shadow of uncertainty with the social service regarding Jack's parenting skills. Someone might ask "why are you trying to co-parent? Is the task too difficult for you?" or something like that, which may earn him unnecessary extra visits or who knows what else. This way, it will only be a natural occurrence. I'll be the husband, they will expect me to also be the father. See? This way, it will be safe for everyone.'

My father looked thoughtful, as if he was slowly digesting every word I had just said, and it took him a short while to speak.

'And I would be correct to assume that Jack only knows about the paper work part.'

'Oh, Lord, absolutely,' I said and, because I'm at peace with being paranoid, I looked round to be certain no one who knew us happened to be close by. After all, private affairs are supposed to remain private. 'And let's stay that way, please.'

'Your secret is safe with me, mister,' my father sounded way more serious than I knew he was truly being, but I also knew he wouldn't tell anyone, well, anything. My father taught me to trust him from a very young age and the bonds he has created with me are bonds I wish to create with Alice and how many other kids Jack and I might eventually have.

Today, apparently, my father decided to be in perfect sync with me, because the next thing he asked was:

'And are you stopping at Alice, or do you want to have more children with him?'

Facing the truth about this didn't exactly make me the most comfortable, but I wouldn't start lying to my father now.

'I don't really know,' I sighed. 'I never exactly intended to become a father, did I? I'm grateful it happened and, God, how I love that girl, but I never truly had the chance to stop and think and ask myself "do I want kids?", I just have one and that's great. But I never had a moment, even now, when I sat down and thought to myself, or even discussed anything with Jack for that matter, things such as "do I want more?", "will it be any different this time round?", "does having the proper time to prepare really affect anything?", you know, those things.'

'And has Jack ever talked to you how he feels about it?'

'He basically said it's up to me,' I answered. 'I guess on some level he knows he threw me into this, so he won't be the one to start the talks about a possible second kid. He'll wait until the idea comes from me the next time.'

'I think Alice will enjoy having siblings,' I could tell my dad had started to slightly daydream. 'I always wanted to have more than one kid. Basically, give you a younger brother or sister so you wouldn't have to grow up all alone. But things didn't happen that way. At least I'm thankful everyday that life gave you the family I couldn't.'

Those words always cut me like a knife. Dad always thinks it was his fault that my mother left us. I never could see how and, after a few years working closely with other families, I still can't see how he was to blame.

'Dad,' I tightened our hug. 'You gave me the best family I could have asked for. If you only knew the number of estranged fathers and sons I see almost on a daily basis. I love what we have. I would take this one father right here over a large family any day of the week.'

We stayed silent a little bit more. There were still four customers ahead of us. I wanted to ask him something, but I was having some difficulty. We talked amenities until we ordered, all through our waiting, all the way into the car where he sat carefully holding what looked like real soda buckets. It wasn't until I had driven off that I finally found the right way to say what I wanted.

'Dad,' he could tell I was treading on eggshells. 'Haven't you ever thought about dating again? Are you ... are you still in love with her?'

'I'm not, Nate,' my father answered with a heavy tone. 'I still can't say I have forgiven her for what she did, but as much as I don't wish her any harm, I also don't wish to have her back in my life or anything like that. I don't even know where she left to. You were so young, son, so reliant on your parents and she did what she did. I guess I've always been scared of going through this all over again.'

'Do you wish to have more kids now, dad?' I had a plan with this. A plan my father was obviously not grasping.

'Is that what you got from this conversation, Nate?'

'Of course not, dad,' I replied with a laugh and needed a second before continuing. 'But that's sort of my point. You know there are steps you can take to ensure you won't father any more kids. Why don't you try dating again? This time it will be just for fun and some company, you won't have major responsibilities ahead. You've done your duty.'

'I've thought about that,' my father said. 'I did meet some ladies, mostly around the time you were about eight or nine. But they all wanted to be your new mom and that just wasn't what I was looking for.'

'How about trying around the time I'm in my late twenties and am a parent myself, dad? Go have fun, go on dates. Go see a movie, go get laid.'

'You're lucky I'm holding these many soda cups.'

I gave a hearty laugh and had the automated assistant in the car let Jack know I was arriving with the food.

'Come on, dad', I said again to my father. 'Are you really trying to tell me that not a single customer in your shop flirts with you once they see the handsome single man working behind the counter?'

Through the rear-view mirror, I could see my father had gone red in the face just like I do every time I get all worked up. I laughed more at the sight.

'Come on, Mr Wyatt! Go have fun! Who is it?'

'There's no—'

'Don't come with that to me, dad. Your face is giving you away! There is someone! Tell it, what is their name?'

'There's this divorced lady, Susan Carmichael,' he finally admitted defeat. 'She came into the shop a few months ago to buy some records for her teenage son and she's been coming back for more music recommendations.'

'Music recommendations, huh?' I said as I was parking the car. 'Back in my day, we used to call it "getting some". Go on, dad. Call her. Ask her out on a date. If everything goes wrong, talk about music.'

My father meant to say something snarky back to me, but couldn't, because a shout had just reached us coming from the open kitchen door.