A long lane at night

1.13. BAD WORDING

** ALLAN **

WHAT I TRULY LOVED THE MOST ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP with Brian was how peaceful it all was. We were incredibly compatible and respectful of each other. The problem was we were extremely indecisive.

Sure, we were pretty certain of the big things, like how we felt about each other and how much we wanted to be together, but small decisions from daily life sometimes took us forever.

Take for instance our first New Year's Eve as a couple. We spent an entire week tempted by two ideas: going to the city centre and watch the fireworks or go to a themed retro party. On the thirty-first, we were still discussing the same pros and cons over and over again.

'Maybe we can do both,' Brian said in a tone suggesting he had just come up with the cure to a fatal disease. 'We can go to the square for the countdown and fireworks, then head to the club.'

'But won't we waste the whole night queuing, though? We can't be the only ones to have thought of that.'

'Tru dat. What do you suggest, then?'

'No idea. They both seem very funny and somehow very boring at the same time.'

'Oh my Goooooood!' Brian sounded like he had finally found the right person to complain about a bad service. 'I was thinking the same! And all along also why do we have to go to any of those things in the first place?'

'Right? Just because it's tradition? I don't buy it.'

We spent the first moments of the new year in the flat. In bed. Naked. Inside each other.

'I don't know you,' Brian was panting as he fell on the mattress, dragging me to lie on this back, 'but I vote we make this our own New Year's Eve tradition and do this every year.

'I second that,' I said as I removed his sweaty hair from his nape, kissing and licking his wet skin, feeling his body shiver underneath my own with every touch of my tongue. 'How about we keep practicing, then?'

'As your piano teacher you know that I'm bound to always defend more practice.'

'And you know I'm a good and obedient student.'

The one thing that still happened, despite our last-minute change of plans, was that we stayed the whole night awake.

We fell asleep as the first rays of sunlight lost the fight against the blackout shades and the room remained dark and comfortable. We both slept until very late and woke up extremely hungry just in time to go get some pizza.

'Allan? Do you mind if we order in?'

'Are you sure, my love? We've been inside the flat for over a day now.'

'Yeah. You know I don't like that much, but I'm sure.'

He sounded evasive and anxious. I knew there was something in that brilliant mind of his that he was trying to find the best way to tell me. I also knew him well enough to wait for him to be ready to share. All that was left for me to do was be patient and hope for the best.

We were finishing our second slices and his behaviour was getting worse. He was fidgeting like crazy, completely unable to stop his legs from shaking. I knew I should just wait, but I hated seeing him like that. I balled my paper napkin after cleaning cheese grease from my lips and gently tossed it on the open pizza box between us.

'Brian, sweetheart. Whatever it is, you know you can just tell me, right?

He laughed nervously.

'I really cannot hide anything from you, can I? Thank God I'm faithful.'

Good. At least that's one tragedy crossed from my mental list. I maintained a serious face. He looked a bit shocked.

'Oh God. I'm scaring you, aren't I? I'm so sorry. No. No. Nothing bad happened. No. Don't you worry about that. It's just ... It's just ...'

'It's just ...?' I pressured. He sighed.

'Okay. I'm just going to go ahead and say it as I planned. The thing is, I didn't like much the sound of that. I feel like I didn't phrase my thoughts well, so I've spent the whole day trying to rephrase it and now I seemed to have caused the very thing I wanted to avoid and I haven't even started talking—'

'That's true, you haven't.' I was so anxious I was starting to get cranky. I never liked doing that, but it wasn't something I could really control.

'Okay. But don't jump to conclusions before I finish talking, promise?'

'Brian, I can't promise to not do something I'm already doing. Spill it out.'

He was fidgeting even more.

'Okay. Here I go. I hope it turns out fine.

'We've known each other for over a year now. We started out with a professional relationship we both knew we couldn't contain, then we became friends, now we're finally together. Since the beginning of our friendship, you've spent so much time in this flat it's almost as if you lived here. And I would like to change that. Not the part of you spending your time here, no. No. Of course not. I love having you here. I love the days, like today, that begin with me waking up by your side. So, what I would like to change is the almost part. I want you to call this bed our bed. I want you to call this stuff our stuff. I want you to call this place our home. Allan, would you move in with me?'

'Brian, you're the cry-baby in this relationship!' I said through thick tears. 'But you were right. You really phrased that poorly. I spent the whole first part thinking you were breaking up with me because you were sick of my company.'

I barely had time to finish talking and he was already kneeling by my side, his voice even deeper than usual and so comforting as his rands reached out to me.

'I know. I know. I didn't want to just burst out the question. I didn't want you to think I didn't give it any thought. When in reality I did. I've been thinking about it since the very beginning and I am more certain with every passing day. I want us to be together and, as time passes, I want us to take all of the steps it involves and this is the next one and I think we're ready.'

'Brian,' I said coldly, staring deep into his eyes. 'There is this part of me that wants to warn you to run. Run for your life. Run very fast.' Too bad that I, pretty much like him, sucked at hiding things, especially when he looked at me so deeply like that. He saw straight through me and his face started lightning up even before I could speak another word.

'Damn it, Brian. Why must we know each other so well?'

'Oh, my love. I want to tell you not to pout, but you look so handsome, so special, so vulnerable. It makes me want to do a lot of things to you.'

'All right,' I said, getting up from the chair and offering him my hand. 'Why don't you take me to our bed and show me these things you want to do?'

'Gladly— hang on ... You said our bed!' It took him a second, but he got the message. 'Oh my God, you said our bed! We're living together! We're living together! You wait and see. I'll be the best partner you've ever even heard of. I'll make you the happiest you have ever been. I love you so much, Allan.'

He held me up in the air and carried me in his arms. He was walking towards the room and suddenly stopped, a naughty look on his face that told me we were about to have a great time.

'You know what? Now that you live here, we have to properly christen the flat. What do you say we start by the oddest option and have some weird sex in the laundry room?'

'Will we turn on the washer to take advantage of the shaking?' I couldn't say that with a straight face.

'Of course,' he tried to look very serious. He also failed.

'Lead the way, Almighty Bouncy Knight'

'I'm definitely changing my name to that!'