Random Football OneShots (눈‸눈)

OS 19 - "i so don't want to do this" | Ansgar und Mouki angst

Youssoufa stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. The phone he was staring at lighting up his facial features in the dark a bit.
He lifted the glass in his left hand to his lips and took a sip of water, his eyes not leaving the screen.

His thumb slowly stroked over the display, his eyes reading the text again. Over and over.
Suddenly he lifted his head.

Ansgar stood in the doorframe. His lips forming a slight smile. As he predicted he didn't even have to say hello, Youssoufa had heard his footsteps already, no matter how quiet he tried to be.

"Having nightmares again?", he asked.
Youssoufa hummed.

The taller slowly took the couple of steps til he stood right in front of him. He grabbed after the glas.

"You thought I didn't figure it out yet, did you?", Youssoufa suddenly lifted his voice.

Ansgar froze.

"Well guess what -
I already know."

Silence filled the kitchen from the apartment they had shared for only a year now.
They had spent a lot of time together. Ate many meals, picked up each others habits, spent countless hours laying on the couch playing FIFA til two in the morning,...

It had been a good time.
Ansgar was Youssoufa's anchor. When he got to Germany there was only him and his football shoes. But Ansgar...Ansgar had opened up to him immediately, pulled him into his room by his sweater and asked if he had ever played FIFA. And Youssoufa had never been more grateful.

"Why didn't you tell me?", he asked.
His throat felt sore and his voice shaky. Quickly he took another chug of water.

"Are...are you upset with me?"

Ansgar looked like somebody had beaten him with a stick for touching the forbidden cookie jar. The guilt he felt was visible through his body language.

Something Youssoufa had noticed very quickly when they got to know each other in the trainingscenter. When Ansgar had emotions you could easily detect them in the way he stood and acted.
From things like the dropping of his shoulders or the blushing of the tips of his ears to his habits like clenching and unclenching his jaw or tapping his fingertips at each other when listening to rhythmic music.

Youssoufa listened into himself for a moment.
Was he mad? Was he suprised maybe? He should've known this day would eventually come. And still... secretly he had hoped it would appear later.

"I- I just- ...", Ansgar sighed, he scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry?"

Youssoufa hesitated. He wanted to say 'What for?' but after pressuring Ansgar into a corner like that it only seemed fair to give him some room to breathe.

He let out a small chuckle.
"It's okay. I mean, it's your career after all..."

"Will you miss me?"

Now it was Youssoufa's turn to be taken aback.

"Because I will miss you", Ansgar whispered.

The only thing heard in the room was the quiet humming of the dishwasher.
Youssoufa gulped, his tounge subconsciously wetting his lips.

Ansgar took a step forwad.

Slowly he took the glas out of his hand and put it down in the counter.

Gently he cupped Youssoufa's cheeks with his hands and tilted his head slightly upwards.

He bent down.

With the uttermost care he pressed his lips against Youssoufa's.

After a couple of seconds he let got.

"Yeah, that was a bad idea..", he hushed.

The warmth on Youssoufa's cheeks left with Ansgars hands as he took a step back.

And it was silent. So, so silent.
Youssoufa could hear his heart beating in his chest.
The dishwasher sounded like a jackhammer.
A hound barked outside a couple of blocks away.
A car drove by on the street.

Youssoufa opened his mouth.

"Kissing me won't make this go away, you know."
"I just- I- I don't wanted this- I-", Ansgar's voice broke.

Youssoufa simply stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the boy in front of him.

Ansgar let his head sink onto the shoulder beneath it.

He didn't cry, but Youssoufa knew he was bleeding. He was bleeding out his emotions on his shoulder. They sunk through his T-Shirt, right into his skin. He shared them. The stress, the uncertainty, the massive amount of fear,...
They weren't only Ansgar's now, they were his too. He wasn't alone anymore.

Carefully he lifted a hand and stroked through Ansgar's hair slowly.
The boy shifted on his shoulder. He started shaking lightly.
Youssoufa stopped with the motion the second he heard a quiet yelp accompanying the tremor.

Now he felt them. Tears. Ansgar was crying.

And with the tears there was another feeling drenching through his clothing.

The pain of a broken heart.

Youssoufa clutched harder around Ansgar's waist.
He held him as thight as he could when the taller trembled at his limits and the tears kept coming and they didn't stop and they hurt, they hurt so bad.

"Please stop-", Youssoufa begged.

Ansgar started shaking harder.

A single tear ran down Youssoufa's cheek.

"Please..."

Youssoufa hated the emptyness that followed when Ansgar bled out. The emptyness of his own feelings, the emptyness of his mind and his arms.
He never wanted to let him go. He just wanted to keep him there. In his arms. Where it felt right.

The heaving of Ansgar's chest got smaller and smaller, til it stopped.
After another minute he slowly lifted his head.

"I'm sorry...", he whispered, as he wiped his swollen eyes and running nose. "I didn't plan to get emotional-"

In a single second Youssoufa got up on his tiptoes, grabbed Ansgars neck and pulled him down, til their lips crushed together.

The response was imediate.
Though their teeth clacked against each other uncomfortably, Ansgar didn't hesitate to press back.
He even pushed Youssoufa back onto his feet and a step back til the smaller had the counter in his back.
He completly drenched up every single motion, every change in Youssoufa's body, every drop of affection he offered.
It would have to last for a long time after all.

They broke free, panting, when both of them didn't have any air left.

Ansgar opened his eyes and found Youssoufa staring at him.

"I'm sorry", he repeated.

"It's okay.

...

I will miss you too."