Joker

38. Identity, love and babies

Aki was an expert in killing people. He could end someone's life with just a flick of a knife within a second. But new life was something he was completely inexperienced in. As was his mentor. Arjun was nervously biting his nails and scrolling through maternity sites on his phone "I already know all this why am I reading it again?"

"Calm down." Aki said softly, not exactly calm himself.

The rest of Card turned up. Kenma stood with Nakul while Gale held San down from bursting into the hospital room "SAN THEY'RE JUST CHECKING HER UP!"

"I WANNA GO TO HER!" San roared.

"EVEN HER HUSBAND IS OUTSIDE YOU CANNOT GO IN!" Gale restrained San "CALM THE HELL DOWN!"

Arjun chuckled "Worse than our usual outings isn't it?"

"Based on the outcome? Not really." Aki smiled "You're having babies."

"I meant the nerves." Arjun rubbed his fingers together, a habit that Aki often noticed he did whenever he was unsure of something "I'm not used to getting nervous."

"I know." Aki nodded. Reaper never got nervous. In fact he'd pinch the back of Aki's neck every time he got nervous, leading Aki to have a habit of rubbing the back of his neck every time he got nervous.

Aki decided to get one over him and pinched the back of Arjun's neck and quoted him "Unless those nerves help in any way ditch them. You're the one in control of your mind and actions not a bunch of nerves."

"Learned real well huh?" Arjun laughed softly "I know. I keep telling myself that but knowing my wife is in there in pain and my babies just coming into this world... I cannot help it."

"I understand." Aki said just as softly "But... it'll be okay."

"I can't believe I miss the itch now." Arjun looked at his long brown fingers "These days all I've felt was all homey and warm but now with all the nerves but not the itch... feels weird. Makes me want the itch back." The itch to kill.

"I know. It happens when you have a sedentary life for a stretch." Aki smiled softly "But I bet once you have those babies, you'll completely forget the itch. I think you should be grateful you finally lost it to some extent. You'll get over your addiction in no time." Your ceaseless addiction to the thrill of victory, the profit you gain after seeing someone's life drain in your hands, the curiosity, the power, the pain. The addiction that scared me, the addiction that taught me. I hope you heal after you hold your children and see that seeing life bloom in your hands is much better than seeing it wilt away.

Arjun seemed to understand exactly what Aki was thinking "I know I will. A flower is definitely more precious when it grows rather than wilts isn't it?"

"Exactly." Aki stared at his own hands, the streaks of red slowly creeping up his fingers and curling into the backs of his palms.

Arjun poked his hand "You shouldn't subject yourself to it either. You're not addicted as I am but you are just as tortured by it. You didn't have a choice Akabane. You did what you had to do to survive. You just used your talent. The quality that makes you a genius. Beyond anyone else in the world. Beyond me even. So stop hating it, it's easier to handle when you accept it."

"How?" Aki croaked "I just can't..."

"Why can't you?" Arjun shrugged "Think about the reason you cannot. Debate yourself, pros cons everything. You're not just traumatized my lad, you're blocking out your own talent by not accepting it. Which is why you'll never truly become as great as you are capable of. The real Grim Reaper would learn to fear you if you did, disciple dearest."