REM // Van McCann

11. I Want To Sign Up

I didn't tell Bondy and Larry to prioritize reviewing the disclaimer but they seemed to sense my urgency and restlessness. Getting approval was on my mind and I didn't have anything else to do so I was staring off into space tapping my pen or getting up constantly to rummage around the kitchen or to throw something away. They'd look up whenever I'd get up and as soon as I looked in their direction, they'd look away. Larry was the first to finish saying it looked good and that the language used was better.

"Hopefully you don't scare them off," Larry teased. "How many people showed interest again?"

"A grand total of two people!" I said dramatically, putting two digits up and he laughed.

"Don't fuck it up."

"The disclaimer looks good but I'd add a line that states participants have the right to pull out of the study anytime. The length of the study isn't clearly defined. Do you know how long it'll be? Two months with a possible extension?" Bondy spoke up.

Bondy was always more thorough in his review, often suggesting things I didn't think about which I was grateful for. Even though he didn't like the title of being the director of this project, he took responsibility for it. He is very knowledgeable so we'd run ideas through him before acting on it.

"Thanks Bondy," I replied, writing it down. "Do ya want me to run it by you after I make the changes?" Bondy shook his head.

"Nah, I trust you know what you're doing."

Adding Bondy's suggestion didn't take long. Only half an hour at most but it could've been done a lot sooner if I wasn't second-guessing myself so much. Eventually, I had it with the document and was done tweaking it. If elaboration was needed, we could certainly talk it out. I texted both people saying they had to sign a disclaimer before taking part in the study and that I could give them a brief introduction to the study and the lab.

It didn't take long before I heard back from Florence. I had warned them it would take an hour but here she was asking me to propose a date and time that was convenient for me. Does she not work? I checked my schedule for the rest of this week making sure I didn't propose a time where I had a meeting and gave her a few times to choose from. She accepted the soonest available time which was today at 3:30 PM which immediately worried me so I spent the rest of my day trying to memorize what I wrote.

Earlier, I was confident and eager to start the study but that immediately disappeared when she responded. To be truthful, there was something about her that terrified me yet I was still drawn to her. I've not come across many women as confident and outspoken as she is. What will her dreams look like? Larry seemed to notice the change in my behavior.

"Is everything alright, Van? You seem tense," Larry noted which caused Bondy to look up.

"I'm meeting someone today to go over the disclaimer," I answered as calmly as possible.

"Do you need help?" Bondy asked. I shook my head.

"I'll be fine," I replied, fiddling with my pen. I hope.

-

The day went by quickly and I only had fifteen minutes until it was time to head up. Several blank copies of the disclaimer were placed in a folder and I used the clip of the pen to keep it shut. All I did the past few hours was repeat the words like a mantra and I hoped I didn't sound like a robot when going over it.

Bondy asked me one more time if I'd like company but I refused and made my way up to the eleventh floor. I was a few minutes early but so was she apparently. I spotted her instantly when the doors opened and I said hello, looking around briefly to see if there were others on the floor. There was one other person having a phone conversation standing by the window. She saw me looking at the man.