REM // Van McCann

77. It's...Complicated

It seems like it was only Bondy who had woken up. Who knows if he woke up when my alarm originally went off or if he woke up when he heard Florence shout. Larry was still sound asleep, his chest slowly rising and falling at a regular pace. He stirred in his sleep, mumbling to himself and I wondered if he was reacting to what I had added. I'd laugh but now wasn't a good time with Bondy being awake. There's no use denying it now but I was curious how long he's been awake and listening.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked, keeping my voice even. Internally, I was panicking, wondering what Bondy thought of the two of us.

"Long enough," Bondy answered, leaving his probes and mask on the chair and standing up.

"Does Larry know you're gone?"

"I saw him but didn't make myself known. He has no idea." Larry stirred again, making us all stop to stare at him and then Bondy looked at Florence. "You should leave before Larry wakes up."

That seemed to do the trick. Florence thanked him and walked towards the door. She opened it and looked back at me as if asking if I'd be okay. I nodded my head and she closed the door quietly behind her. Bondy didn't even turn around to make sure she was gone before speaking.

"I'm not sure why you feel the need to hide from us. I can guarantee your life would be a whole lot easier just telling us."

"It's because I'm a fucking idiot who cares too much what others think."

"Did you think we'd disapprove?"

"Not necessarily. More like tease me relentlessly." Bondy grinned.

"We tease you because it's clear there's something going on between the both of you but you're too proud to admit it." He's right but I'm not going to tell him that. "So when did it start?"

"For her, I guess it started when she was adamant that we take turns going under each other's dreams..." I trailed off.

God, that felt like ages ago. Did her feelings for me really go that far back? And when did it start for me? There's no doubt she's attractive. She's the type of girl you'd be proud to say was your girlfriend but I found her personality off-putting at first. I've never met someone who was constantly testing my patience. But despite the bravado she puts on, she can be sweet. I've seen it when she opened up to me about her past and when she said she'd help me figure out my dreams. There was a special bond between us brought on by going under each other's dreams.

"And I guess for me," I continued, "the feelings were always there but subdued because I kept telling myself it was never going to happen. And when she kissed me, it was like she awakened something in me. I dunno if I'm making any sense."

"It doesn't have to make sense. As long as it feels right, that's what matters. So where do you both stand right now, if you don't mind me asking?"

"We're just dating and seeing how it goes. We've only known each other under a professional setting so I'd prefer we get to know each other first," I said, then paused. "I've not asked her to be my girlfriend yet if that's what you're asking. By the way, we're going to Portugal together. That's why she stopped by."

"You're kidding." Bondy's eyes widened, surprised at how cautious we were being yet we're going on a trip together. I sighed.

"I know what you're thinking. It's...complicated. I'm sure you know I'm going to Portugal to find answers. She's been in my dreams so she knows what I'm going through and it'll be nice to have someone who understands what's going on. I dunno...I think it'd be a good trip."

"It's also a good opportunity to see how compatible the both of you are."

"Yeah." I was fully aware that if things went well, I'd ask her to be my girlfriend. But if it didn't go well...well, I didn't even want to think about it.