REM // Van McCann

70. I Changed My Mind

Thursday

Florence's alarm went off and she quickly silenced it. At the beginning, it took her a while to turn it off and she had so many alarms. And then one day, I accidentally told her I could hear her alarm and she's been quick to turn it off ever since. I laid there on my side and listened to her get off the creaky bed and walk across the room to the bathroom to get ready.

She still made no mention of whether or not she was going to show up today. A part of me was disappointed because I wanted to go under her dreams and see what she was thinking. It's always flattering to know that someone fancies you. We all want to be desired, don't we?

After some time, Florence emerged from the bathroom and began putting away the bed. You could hear it complain as she tried to fold the bed in and then she went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Normally, I'd be upset at having been woken up but for some reason, there was something calming about listening to her get ready for the day. I didn't mean to listen but I couldn't help it.

Even though I've known Florence for some time, there was still a lot about her that I didn't know. I don't know what she does for a living nor do I know what her interests are. Our relationship has always been strictly professional and the only personal bits we've come to know were from going under each other's dreams.

Florence passed my bedroom and seemed to pause in front of my door. I laid there as still as a mouse and then the moment passed. She put her shoes on and stepped out the door. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding when I heard the door close. Some part of me wondered if she wanted to talk to me about today's session and another part of me thought she'd tell me she knew I was awake and listening.

I turned off my alarm and got up since I was already awake and put on a T shirt and joggers. Ever since she saw me in only my underwear, I've been worried about being caught again even though I heard her leave. It's not that I have anything to hide. I'm quite comfortable with my body and don't mind if women look, but it leaves little to the imagination and I didn't want her having those thoughts about me.

I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and stepped out to smoke. There's something special about the first cigarette of the day. It's probably because my body's been starved of nicotine overnight but I like the quiet of the morning and how I have time to myself to think. After finishing my morning ciggy, I went to the bathroom to get ready for work. The bathroom smelt faintly of her perfume and the products she used which made me think about her again. Why am I being like this? Ever since that kiss, I've been thinking about her a lot. It's not that I didn't think about her before but now I'm questioning everything she does to see if there's a deeper meaning to her actions.

I went to my bedroom to get changed. I looked through my closet and settled on a blue button up with black jeans. Stepping into my jeans, I pulled them up and pulled up the zipper, fastening the button. Then I put my arms through my shirt and buttoned up my shirt. I tucked my shirt in, put my belt on, and looked in the mirror to make sure I looked fine and that my hair wasn't messed up. My hair was getting long but I was putting off getting a haircut because some part of me wanted long hair like I had when I was a teen.

The water in the kettle was still hot but there wasn't enough so I dumped out the old water and put more in. While I waited for it to boil, I set up my mug and decided on Special K for breakfast. I was running low so I added it to the list of things I needed to buy. Did I really eat that much or is Florence eating it as well? Instead of separating our food, we decided to share it and split the cost. It was much easier to manage that way.

I brought a bowl out, poured a healthy measure of cereal in, and poured some milk in. I brought the bowl to the table to eat and noticed a note on the kitchen counter. It was a sticky note addressed to me.