REM // Van McCann

58. Take a Break

It's no surprise that I didn't sleep well but I eventually did from the exhaustion. I woke up closer to noon and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, yawning. Although I didn't sleep well, I felt better knowing that I was prepared for our conversation.

Relationships are always about compromise but in this case, it was hard to compromise. There's not really a halfway point unless her dad is relocated to Seattle, then that'd be the best case scenario. I thought long and hard about how much I wanted to work at DecodeREM and have come to the decision that I will work there regardless if Clara comes with me or not. There's always an uncertainty about not knowing how it'll go. Maybe I'll hate it there and want to move back. You never know until you try and letting this opportunity go without knowing what it's like will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I just wanted Clara to know that she didn't have to decide right away. If she wanted to wait until her dad's company announces the new location, she can wait. That'll give me time to settle down in Seattle. I'm sure if she joined me right at the beginning, things will be difficult for the both of us. I won't have as much time to settle in because I'll be working right away and she'll be alone. My hope was that she'd join me once things are fleshed out. I'll have a better idea of what my job is like and I'll know the city well enough to show her around.

But the problem was how we'd deal with the distance. We won't be able to see each other often but we can video chat, call, and text each other as often as we'd like. Of course, that'll never be as good as seeing each other. I'll miss our cuddles, the sound of her breathing next to mine, and how her heart would pound when excited. Nothing can ever replace the intimacy of physical contact.

DecodeREM got back to me about my approved visa. They were eager for me to start, loosely mapping the timeline and what had to happen before my start date which was in a month. They know I'm moving from the UK and will reimburse my one-way flight to America and they've got a furnished apartment I can stay in for one year that's close to work. It's up to me if I want to renew my lease with them or find another place once my lease is up. But it was nice to see how much they wanted me and how much they were willing to bend over backwards to make sure my move was as seamless as possible.

I've yet to get back to them about when I want to fly out. I'll get my grades back this week and if I pass all my classes, my graduation will be next week. I'd love to stay for that and celebrate with me mum and dad for a few days before leaving. And the same goes with Clara and her family. I'd like to tell them the good news and that I want to keep in touch.

All my life, I've lived in the UK. I've always wanted to leave the first chance I got and I didn't think it'd actually happen.

-

While waiting for Clara to leave work, I busied myself by calling the local Indian restaurant for takeaway. She spotted my car in the car park and made her way towards me. There was no spark in her eyes. You could see she was dreading this conversation. In fact, the both of us were.

She opened the door and sat down, putting her seatbelt on and I leant in to kiss her on the lips which I always did when picking her up. She saw me approaching, hesitated, and turned her face slightly so I settled on her cheek. That wasn't a good sign. She's already upset with me.

"How was work?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"It was okay," she replied.

Her answer was straight to the point not leaving much for discussion which made me sad. Right when we took one step forward, we took two steps back and ended up where we were two weeks ago. It was obvious she wasn't in the mood to talk so I turned on the radio and drove to the Indian restaurant to pick up the food.