REM // Van McCann

82. I Don't Regret Any of It

We arrived past noon and picked up a rental car to get around. The car I reserved was a manual transmission. Having been in The States for almost seven years now, I was embarrassed at how rusty I was and having Florence sat beside me was only adding to my nerves.

"It's been ages since I drove a manual transmission," I explained. My gear shifting wasn't as smooth and the last thing I wanted to do was stall the car. That'd be embarrassing.

"That's okay. I don't know how to drive a manual transmission at all," Florence replied.

She was on edge, holding onto the grab handle, and I couldn't help but smile at how afraid she was. I'm rusty! This isn't my first time driving a manual transmission for fuck's sake! We got out of the car park onto the street. Luckily there weren't many cars around, allowing me to drive without any pressure. The hotel was only a few miles from the car rental place but the reason why I rented a car was to drive to Ponta da Piedade and Clara's house which are in opposite directions.

The hotel was up ahead, several stories high. The people here rely on tourism to make a living but since it's the dead of winter, it's almost a ghost town. Most of the shops and restaurants are closed for the season but there are the occasional ones open year round. I pulled into the car park and parked the car. It wasn't until I turned off the engine that Florence let go of the grab handle, relieved to be alive.

"Why are you grinning?" she asked.

"You're acting like you're gonna die! You've been tense the whole time."

"You said it's been ages!" she fought back, blushing.

We got out of the car and got our suitcases out from the boot of the car. The car park was empty aside from a few other cars. Lagos was definitely the quietest of the three places we visited and I started to wonder if I made a mistake coming here. The majority of my trip will be spent here and I felt terrible for stringing Florence along. Was she going to find enough stuff to keep her occupied the whole time? Most of the shops and restaurants were closed and it was much too cold for a swim (and she doesn't know how to swim, mind you).

We were handed our keycard and we took the lift up to the third floor. Of all our hotel rooms, this one was the most spacious and least expensive. Florence walked over to the bed closest to the window to claim it and I laughed at how easy she was to predict. Even though most of our day was spent traveling and sitting, we were still tired from having woken up early. We weren't hungry having eaten on the train.

"Before you doze off, we should talk about our plan for the rest of the day and how we want to spend our time here," I said, walking over to her bed and sitting down.

The bed creaked under my weight. She was lying on her stomach, sprawled out again, and I gently moved her hair out of her face so she could see me. She smiled at my touch. I was still getting used to the idea of us and not treating her like a study participant. Florence got up and sat beside me, leaning her head on my shoulder, waiting for me to speak.

"You already know I'm here for Clara but I don't know what you want to do and it'd be unfair to drag you along. I just want you to know that it's okay to not want to come along. You're free to do your own thing." I turned to look at Florence but I was only looking at the top of her head. She sat up straight to get a good look at me.

"I want to join you because I'm just as curious but only where I'm welcome," she answered softly. "If you need time alone to process things, just tell me. But I don't want you to think this is something you have to do on your own. You've got people who care about you." Her blue eyes bore into mine and I could see the determination in them. She meant what she said and I was touched that someone cared about me enough to help me through my problems. I vowed to do the same with her.