REM // Van McCann

30. What's Stopping You?

It's been three days since I heard from her. I dunno what I was expecting. Maybe a simple thank you? Her parents thanked me but it meant nothing to me. I wanted to hear it from her.

How are you feeling? I'm sorry I let this happen to you. :(

I sent the text as soon as I woke up the next day and never got a reply. Calling her crossed my mind but my confidence wavered with each passing day to the point I thought it was pointless. She doesn't care. Maybe she thought Rob was the one who found her and brought her home. Her parents would love Rob. And then there was that nagging feeling that it wasn't her but her parents. What more do they want? I admit I fucked up but I owned up to it.

Then I got angry. I'm sat here feeling like the bad guy when I've done nothing wrong. You've no idea how many times I've analyzed my actions and every time, I came to the conclusion that I did nothing wrong and that it was Clara who was supposed to reach out to me. It got to the point that I wasn't going to bother with her until she reached out to me first. How can she tell me "don't leave" and act like nothing happened?

No matter how many times I tried to push her to the back of my mind, I couldn't stop worrying about her. All I wanted to know was that she was okay. It took everything to not drive to her house. Rob asked me how she was doing and I lied to him saying she was fine. This couldn't be farther from the truth.

When Saturday rolled around, I was at a loss. Does she still want to meet for driving lessons? The last thing I wanted was to drive to hers and be turned away. That was when I reached my breaking point so I texted her again.

Are you still wanting driving lessons?

She never replied but I still went to hers anyway—not that I was hoping to teach her to drive but to figure out what was happening. The thing is that she doesn't know where I live so she wouldn't know where to find me even if she wanted to. It's going to have to be me who reaches out first. I was upset about it but then I didn't care anymore. What I've learned is that if you don't go after what matters most to you, you're gonna lose it and the last thing I wanted was to lose her as a friend without trying.

I parked down the street and walked up to the front door, not even bothering to be sneaky about it. She hasn't responded to any of my text messages so there's no point in telling her I'm here. It wasn't until I rang the bell that my boldness started to waver and I was left wondering what was going to happen.

Her dad's figure was approaching and I swallowed, trying to make my hair presentable. It was silly that her dad made me nervous but I wanted him to have a good impression of me. He opened the door and greeted me.

"Hello Van. Are you here for Clara?" He got straight to the point and I just nodded.

"I've not heard from her and was wondering if she's alright," I replied.

"She's doing just fine. She's in trouble so that's why you've not heard from her," he explained. "She's actually out shopping with her mom at the moment. They're buying clothes for Clara's new job but they should be home by dinner. Would you like to come in?"

"She got the job?" I asked.

"Yes. Why don't you come in and we'll talk."

He opened the door wider and I was hesitant to step in. Dinner isn't for another two hours and I wasn't sure I wanted to wait that long for them to come home. But the way he opened the door wide wanting me to join him made it hard to say no, so I obliged, stepping into the house. When I barged in last week, I was so worried I didn't have time to look around. Now that things were more relaxed, I could see their house looked more like home. They had acquired more stuff and more decorations to the point it looked like they were outgrowing the house.