So I'm sharing my biggest secret. No one knows this. Absolutely no one.
I may have a kissed a...girl.
But not now...it was years ago. I'm not ashamed. Because I didn't even know this thing called 'sexuality' existed. I was too innocent. And my first kiss?
Well, that's a story to tell too.
Well, you can say I was kind off sexually assaulted? I didn't knew. When I was a kid...like before I was hit by my puberty I was very very innocent. That it would be hard to believe seeing me today. But yea. So I didn't know what's what's kiss is and all. So my friend's dad was the one...who...kissed me? N I didn't know if I should tell someone or not? Because at that time there wasn't much of sexual assault things. So we were never taught of it. So yea, because of that I didn't knew what the fuck am I supposed to do?
After that I avoided that person as much I could n I was successful. N thankfully nothing happened after that.
I feel weird writing this. Not a good weird. I feel many things right now. And it feels hard to put it in words. I feel disgusted? I feel disappointed? For what? I don't know? My brain seems to be a mess.
My guy close friend...I told him about this and he was like,
"Bro I really can't console you."
Because we were in public. And I was like okay. Cool.
Maybe I should've asked to console me. Maybe I should've cried and screamed. I wonder if I ever told this to my future partner what their reaction be?
Would they be disgusted? Or would they understand me? Would they console me? Will they trust me?
I feel so insecure at the moment. I feel...
Fucked up.
This was one fucked up story.
Chuckle
Sometimes I wonder. When was the time I lost my innocence?
When I kissed someone? Or when I learned curse words? When was the time I turned what I am today? Kind off numb? Kind of not giving a fuck about anybody?
When did this all happen? Life is just...weird.
If anyone feels like talking or ranting. I can listen.
This is all bye!
