Sometimes you forget what it is to cry. How you do it. Sometimes you want to cry so bad. But you can't. It's like an invisible force stopping you. Sometimes you just let you tears drop. That's the definition of crying for you at that moment. At some moments you cry like no tomorrow.
Sometimes till your life is not on line people don't understand. Where they need to stop, where they need to understand that you staying silent is the best for you. Sometimes they're so into helping you that they forget, that they can't heal you totally. It's you who's gonna be able to do it. Sometimes you just feel like a cig or self harming is better than opening your mouth because it doesn't ask questions. It just does its work. It makes you feel a bliss that you need the most at that moment. For everyone it's different. It cant and never be the same coping mechanism for all of us.
Now, the question is where this all came from?
It's because my mom is forcing me to study. I know I need to study. I know and understand it all. But I need a lil bit of time to adjust to that setting. She doesn't understand that. She doesn't understand that Sometimes you just have to let someone cry. Not according to your emotions but theirs. Sometimes she doesn't what it is to be. She doesn't understand what problems I have to face outside of my house. She doesn't understand me...yet she feels she understands me totally.
Sometimes I just wish to have the blissful pain for a while...but alas I can't have that luxury cause it's bad. You can't do it because dying is not an option. Well, not like I wanna die. It's just scratches that I love... but fuck it.
Maybe after 18 I'll have tattoos as an addiction. You know my coping mechanism is painting myself and then becoming insensitive. The walls automatically go up to the heights that won't bulge. It makes me at ease. Makes me feel secure.
N idk what to say anymore, bye.
